Pinkies Up Across America (NA that is, I'm not tough enough for the South)

Intermission = Over

2009-07-09T11:40:00.001-07:00

That was one heck of an intermission, but I think it was worth it. I played a bit of football, played a bit of basketball, and BOOM!!! I made a super-sweet website:

www.mypinkyup.com

Check it out, it's not perfect, I have a whole list of things to tinker with while I travel like "have the infowindow show a picture on my googlemap" boring, I know, but I need to remind myself. The videos work, I swear, I also need to add download progress indicators to them - I learned how to do that, and I remember it was easy, but I don't know how right now.

Intermission

2009-05-13T12:00:00.000-07:00

I'd like to take a moment for a brief intermission between my East Coast Adventures and the West Coast Adventures to follow. I will be adding a few videos in a day or two once I can upload and encode HD video, but until then all I will leave you with are these tidbits:

1) Florida Toll operators are much happier than their peers to the north (until you get to Maine). I would imagine the Floridians are happy due to the weather, their brightly colored, state issued shirts, and the fact that there are a lot of fun-boys in Florida. In Maine, I can't really figure that one out, there are a lot of hippies and Maine is pretty sweet so maybe that's enough to keep the toll-people happy, I don't know? In New York I can see it getting pretty old charging 1,000's of people a day $9 to cross a bridge.

2) God and Jesus must put more marketing $$'s into billboards than any other father-son combo in all of the world. Once you get down to..........ohhhh, let's say Kentucky, those two guys can't get enough of their quotes, miracles, and morals up on the big old billboards.

3) I need to fact check before I write - it was not Dr. Livingstone who was searching for the Fountain of Youth, he was just exploring Africa and found Victoria Falls. It was Ponce de Leon who was searching for it and he landed in Florida. Now we know that he was way off, as he should have sailed up the eastern shoreline to Deleware. Poor Ponce.

4) I also may have given New Jersey a bad rap. It may come as no surprise that I didn't find anything particularly interesting because I spent much of my time in stand still traffic......at least enough time to pull out my cooler, make a sandwich, and eat it while sitting on my cooler right in the middle of the interstate, and then I drove right in to the Power Plant district of New Jersey. It's just power plant after power plant until you drive right in to New York City but with all that power they're making they do have something of note; THE WORLD'S LARGEST INCANDESCENT LIGHT BULB. I'm sad that I missed it.

Don't Be Like Mike

2009-04-30T16:11:00.000-07:00

Things get a little foggy from here. I went to the bathroom, got out of the stadium, paid for my parking, which was up after the game, sat in my car for a bit, tried to figure out what I was going to do for the night...........and in the end I punched "Milwaukee, WI" in to my GPS and away I went. By now it was raining, but traffic wasn't bad........but it must be said that I don't condone these activities.......and I managed to get on the interstate, and just before I got on to the tollway I pulled over in the tollway employees parking lot and went to sleep until morning.

I awoke around 6:00am. My windows were steamed up, which may have been a good thing. I rolled down my passenger side window and there sat a state trooper's car. I rolled down my window, yup, there's another trooper. I opened my door, stood up, looked where I was, as I was awfully confused. Confused about where I was, what I was doing, just about everything. The only thing I knew is that I slept in my car. I was starting to think I pulled right in to the police station where I knew it would be safe. Instead, I never thought the day would come, but this morning I cuoldn't have been happier to see the tollway. I started my car up, cranked up the defrost, and once the windows were clear, I pulled out hopped on the tollway, and with a pit-stop at Cuyahoga National Park near Cleveland, 18 hours later I was pulling in to Kettle Moraine South Unit back in Wisconsin. It was closing in on midnight, so I set my tent up quickly, climbed in, and slept in relief that things turned out just the way that they did.

Go To A Red Sox Game = SUCCESS

2009-04-30T15:56:00.000-07:00

I have no idea how this game got in. The entire time at the bar I was grumbling about how far I've driven and now God was going to get in the way of my Red Sox game. The night before the game was postponed due to rain, so today they had a double header. The first game was called short due to rain, and the exteneded forecast read 100% chance of rain until 5am. Somehow, some way, it rained everywhere but Fenway park for the three hours it took to squeeze the game in and it really turned in to a nice night.

Seven hours at the Irish bar, in a city that is completely unfamiliar to me was a pretty bad idea. Miraculously, I made it to the ballpark in time for the first batter, I settled in my seat and I checked out Fenway and my surroundings. What I really wanted was to just sit back and enjoy the game, but the next thing I knew I was talking with my neighbors, and maybe 3-4 innings in to the thing this plumber in front of me starts buying me drinks. Who's going to turn down a $7.25 beer?? Not me, plus it would be insulting. As the game was winding down we were getting crazy. I started thinking the guys next to me were cheering for the BREWERS, so I joined in their cheer. Turned out they were chanting "Let's Go Bruins!" After the clarification it was decided that I could cheer for the Brewers as they cheered for the Bruins. Anyway, I thought I was fine.......until I stood up. That's when I realized I had a little too much to drink.

Ice Cream to Beer

2009-04-30T15:30:00.000-07:00

From Vermont, I headed back to the East to Boston. I slept a night in my car and then fought traffic in to the city limits. I had enough time to walk along the river, take a look at the Gold Dome (even though I have wikipedia at my fingertips 24/7 I still haven't cared enough to look up what this building is, I know it's in The Departed and that's enough for me), and a quick stroll by the Symphony before it started to rain.

Chance would have it that I was just outside an Irish bar when it began to rain a little harder so I ducked in and bellied up. After talking with the bartender for a bit, I realized that I was at the most popular Northeastern University bar and these students were just finishing their finals. I thought I understood the calendar, but I couldn't figure out how they were finishing up their second semester this early. A few beers in this guy walks up to the bar. It turns out later that he was of "undetermined" sex, but I didn't think anything of it.......I was too busy concentrating on some ridiculous dreadlocks and an odoriferous funk emanating from his body, much worse than any funk I had produced in the previous 50 days. I began talking to this person, and I must have struck a sweet spot, because the stories just started pouring out of him, one more ridiculous than the last, but all of them with the same ending; someone being pulled out in a body bag. In between the conversation both bartenders were signaling to let the guy go, the smell was effecting business, but I chose to continue talking. I wanted to know how many ways this person knew of ending up in a body bag. Time passed and the unidentified human being left........the thing that was most amazing to me was that once it left, the guy next to me said "it comes in here everyday and it's never said anything more than two words "chicken wings."" Strange stuff.

After that, I became the buddy of this young entrepreneur. It turned out that the kid was running two businesses all on his own and was waiting to meet up with a girl he met the previous weekend. He exchanged a bit of his experiences with me, and I told him what I was getting myself in to, and he admitted that I am thinking things through much more carefully than he has, but look at him, and look at me.......I spent my last night sleeping in my car and I'm striking up small talk with hermaphrodites, he's waiting for a girl as he taps out work related e-mails for his own business. Enough about that, I played the role of his wingman, and things started off well, but then I got stuck on the fact that she was a vegetarian. The idea of life without bacon was the singular subject on my mind from that point on, and after hording the conversation the business owner reminded me that it was time to walk on over to Fenway Park for the baseball game.

How Far Will You Drive For Free Ice Cream?

2009-04-30T15:22:00.000-07:00

For me, it's 182 miles exactly. I knew the Ben and Jerry's factory was in Vermont, I knew that it was free ice cream day, and I knew that I was in Maine. Again, my geography is not good, but I was pretty sure that south of China, and West of Maine lies Vermont. I decided to go for it. It turned out to be a straight shot down an interstate (which means more tolls), but I was more than happy to pay them for free ice cream. I also took a tour, checked out their VW and strolled through the deceased flavors in the flavor graveyard. I can't figure out how "Sweet Potato Pie" was a flop.

Driving Around The World

2009-04-30T15:13:00.001-07:00

I left the coastline, and continued my search for a tasty, hot breakfast. I know that I've been driving for some time now, but I didn't really grasp how far I've gone until I got to this sign. I made it to the southside of China. There were a few more trees then I expected, and millions fewer people, but I've never been too good at geography, but who am I to speculate. South China being next to China did make a whole lot of sense to me. I drove around for a bit trying to redeem my failure on the chicken leg front, but I remained without hot breakfast and without hot chicken legs.

Speaking of legs, the first restaurant I passed was on the outskirts of Augusta, but as I slowed down I learned it was a "topless" cafe. I was really looking to treat myself this morning, but I'm not so sure that was the way I was thinking of. I saw this as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity but I drove past. I drove through Augusta and turned south, which took me deep in to Maine's Desert. Surprisingly enough it was raining in the desert and I couldn't check it out. I ended up in Portland for a delicious breakfast and alas my adventures in Maine have come to an end.

Sunrise In The Rain

2009-04-30T15:02:00.000-07:00

My last day in Acadia I planned on waking up for the sunrise and getting my gear packed up before the rain came. I managed the latter, but I was a little late on getting up to the top of Cadillac for the sunrise.

On my way back down the mountain the rain started, which is better than snow, and I tried to go to Bar Harbor for breakfast, but it was still too early. And I have this picture of a woodpecker, which has nothing to do with breakfast, I just saw that picture in my tabs and didn't know where to put it.

Hiking Through Acadia

2009-04-30T13:10:00.000-07:00

I did a fair amount of biking and paddling in and around Acadia but my best kodak moments came while hiking about the 120+ miles of marked trails through Acadian National Park.

I took a lunch break at bubble pond, and hiked around to the far side of the pond and went further yet down a carriage road (where horse drawn carriages pass during the park's peak season). Here I was made aware that I was now in Beaver country.

It should be noted that the people in the upper northeast aren't the world's most creative people. There are all these bubble places then there's bear, duck, otter, seal, and sea lion harbor. They also have islands of those same names. I went directly to seal harbor because I imagined dozens of seals playing with beach balls, but after paddling in the harbor for an hour or two I saw no such thing.

I sidetracked to the uncreative names because next is the hike up South Bubble which happens to be right next to North Bubble with Bubble pond right in the middle of them. South Bubble is cool because there's this big 'ol rock that is precariously perched above Park Loop Road. I am sure thousands of people before me have made the climb to give it a good push hoping to cause a minor catastrophe but try as I did, the rock didn't budge. You also get some pretty decent views of West Lake, the Atlantic and the Southern portion of Desert Island.

The next hike I took was to Cadillac Mountain, but I did that one sans camera......I already mentioned that I wish I wouldn't have left my camera behind. Due to this, I brought my camera on my next hike, and this time I should have left it behind.

First, I tried to go up the Precipice Trail, but it was closed due to "unsafe" conditions. I went to the next most dangerous hike which was the Beehive. Again, the Mainers call em' like they see 'em. A series of rungs, ladders, and rails guide you up this nearly vertical climb. My four-fingered grip was sure. With my camera dangling around my neck I made it up to the top passing beautiful views of Sand Beach (where do they come up with these names?), treacherous ledges, and Acadian vistas.

Three Ways To Mount A Cadillac

2009-04-28T10:56:00.000-07:00

When I woke up, I was rather startled by my surroundings. Acadia National Park is basically a mini-sunken-Yosemite. Desert Island is covered with granite peaks, ponds, sounds, bays, harbors and then there are dozens if not hundreds of smaller islands surrounding it. There's just so much granite and so much water it doesn't make a whole lot of sense how all this happened but it's really cool and immediately my favorite park I've been to East of the Mississippi.

There are many listed mountain peaks, but the biggest of the bunch is Cadillac Mountain. As far as mountains are concerned it's tiny at 1,500+ feet, but going straight from sea level to this height makes it a bit more impressive. My first trip to the top was via car. I wanted to scope out the island, and I had an emergency bathroom break. Lucky for me, right at the summit lies two port-a-pots. I forgot about my "leave no trace" hiking practices, and I left a little something atop Cadillac which probably increased the summit height an inch or two.

The next day I hiked to the top from the campground and I really wished I would have brought my camera along because the views changed constantly from peak to valley as you approached the summit from the southern ridge line. The trail is marked by small, manmade rock formations, called cairns (this is a bad example since visitors clearly made them all over the place, you'd get a little lost here or go in circles), and it's only a seven-mile round trip from camp.

And to complete the trifecta, I biked the length of park look road my last full-day in the park, and I capped my trip going straight up Cadillac. It wasn't fun until I turned around, and I can't count how many times I thought about stopping short, but in the end I made it to the top and immediately turned around for the fun part. I wasn't going to waste the downhill by obeying the 25 mph signs so I let her rip all the way down the hill except for a couple of tight switchbacks. At the bottom I bumped in to some camping neighbors who were biking past the road to Cadillac.

Driving, Driving, Driving.........

2009-04-28T10:50:00.000-07:00

I hit all the tollways, crossed Connecticut (with a quick pit-stop at a Post Office where they offered me a job thanks to my packaging expertiese, to send out some trinkets), Massachusettes, New Hampshire, and hauled it across Maine to arrive at Acadia National Park well in to the night. It should be evident by now that I am doing this mostly by the seat of my pants, and this leg of the journey was no more organized than the last. I had no idea where the campgrounds were, but I knew Acadia wasn't all that big, so I just went straight in, drove the Park Loop Road and never saw a sign for campgorunds. I proceeded on the highway that circles Desert Island. Alas, I found the campgrounds, set up, and went to bed dreaming about what in the world I just drove by, through, over, and around.

Eat A Chicken Leg In Chinatown - FAIL

2009-04-28T10:38:00.000-07:00

First, I think I have witnessed the future of the US and it's Tollways and Turnpikes. Everywhere I turned in the east I was doling out money to drive somewhere. I should have stayed on that carferry. Anyway, I'll always remember flying into NYC looking at the buildings, and driving in to Manhattan was equally cool. Sure, it took a while, and every wrong turn took me on another bridge leaving the city, paying a toll, turning around, paying a toll, and entering the city. A few tolls and $30 later, I made it through traffic and I was in downtown Chinatown. I drove around for a few minutes, never heard a honk, and realized this was no place for my midwestern self who steam-rolled a parked car with a rental car in the middle of nowhere Colorado, so I passed up the Chinese Chicken Legs and continued North.

Eat a Nathan's World Famous Hot Dog = SUCCESS

2009-04-28T10:26:00.001-07:00

Even though my sustenance for this entire trip has been solely meats that fit in a hot dog bun, sandwiches, and fruit, I decided that getting a Nathan's Hot Dog was something I shouldn't pass up while I was down there. I'm not sure if that Nathan's dog was the better than the bratwursts I had been enjoying.

Ride Every Ride At Coney Island = FAIL

2009-04-28T10:19:00.001-07:00

I actually knew that Coney Island was going to be closed, so this was another failure I was willing to accept. After sitting in traffic in New Jersey, and seeing NJ's northern border just littered with power plants to power Manhattan, I did make it down to Coney Island where I took a picture of the Cyclone, badgered a news crew about my quest to ride every ride here but it's closed, and I made up my own challenge.

This is What I Think About New Jersey.......

2009-04-28T10:18:00.000-07:00

Delaware the "Home of No Sales Tax"

2009-04-28T09:47:00.000-07:00

After leaving Shenandoah I had one thing on my mind and one thing only; getting an oil change. I was way over due, and surprisingly my destinationless driving around doesn't take me by all that many Jiffy Lube's or whatever other place specializes in quick oil changes.

I wound up in Delaware, whose bragging rights is apparently the fact that they have "no sales tax." After seeing Delaware's Greeting I expanded my list of goals to include, find something better than "no sales tax."

Personally, I feel like I met both challenges with a great amount of success. I found a wal-mart for my oil change. The man at the desk told me how he pays whatever amount he feels is right for his rent, and that they'll just take him to court if they aren't happy with his payments........and I totally agreed with him, and explained that I have been paying what I feel is the "right price" for one night in a campground for one person. I know $20/night isn't the right price, so I've been bouncing back and forth between $7 - $12/night depending on the condition of the grounds in question. To nit-pick, they aren't very good with numbers. I am pushing 100k on my car that's not even five years old, and somehow they think that this is the mileage I need my next oil change.

Next, I drove south all the way across Delaware. The state is pretty awesome, but I didn't make my big find until (I was going to tip off where this is, but I decided that I've already written too much by saying it's in Delaware) later. I don't know why the Delaware welcome sign doesn't say "Home of the Fountain of Youth." This is much more impressive than no sales tax. Did Dr. Livingstone spend his entire life looking for the fountian of youth. He was meandering around Africa, boy was he way off. It's been sitting in Delaware all this time. Now, most people would probably take a drink, but I refrained. I want to grow old, but if the sign would have read like this, I would have been drinking it by the bucket full.

Also among Delaware's lesser known treats is a carferry to New jersey and they've got some nice beaches that I simply drove by because it was cold. I did stick my car on the ferry though. I do feel a bit of shame that my first carferry ride isn't on the USS Basdger, but I will get over that remorse.

Third Time Is A Charm At Shenandoah National Park?

2009-04-15T20:22:00.000-07:00

I'm headed North again and I figure that I should give Shenandoah National Park another shot. The last time I was here, I woke up wet and shivering and decided enough was enough, it's time to go south until it's warm. The first time I was there the Campgrounds wasn't open, and now I arrived and just after my camp was set up and I made myself dinner.......down came the rain.

However, the following day, I woke up in the fog, and I became a bit concerned. I went out for a hike and it was absolutely beautiful. I chose a 5-hour hike called the Cedar Run Trail. This trail passes numerous flowers, falls and cascades and is said to be quite "strenuous." Well, it was quite strenuous, as my legs are still aching today, and I managed to turn a 5-hour hike in to a 7-hour adventure by monkeying around down by the water and having a bit of a scare when the fog came down at a fork in the road, but a father and his daughter, and myself reasoned out which way we should go and surprisingly we chose correctly.

During my seven hour jaunt through the woods I was still looking in knooks and crannies for bears to wake. Luck struck me when I was messing around by this fall. I was trying to get behind the fall, and put my hand through it so that just my hand and finger were visible ( I might be back there in this one, not really sure though). I never really did that, but I got two wet feet and moccasins and this, the world's most perfect bear poker.

So, I took in all sorts of water falls, the Upper Cedar Run (with me), Lower Cedar Run, Lower White Oak Canyon, and the Upper White Oak Canyon Falls (with me), but my biggest surprise was when I was just about back to the parking lot. I took a wrong turn when I split up from the father and daughter and as I was going the wrong way I startled a little bear. THEY'RE ALREADY AWAKE. Someone beat me to them. Well, I was extremely slow getting my camera out, but I swear the little guy is in there.

Just when I thought that Shenandoah National Park was going to go and totally redeem itself I got back to my campsite, ate, and once again, the rains came down. They lasted throughout the night and into the morning. I packed my gear up wet, and left once more and I won't be returning in a week or two to give it another shot.

My Poor Little Car

2009-04-15T20:20:00.000-07:00

And so, just like that it was time for me, the prematurely retired to part ways with Florida's retirement crowd. I made a determined drive North only stopping for gas and DQ Midnight Truffle Blizzards and within 48 hours I was back in the mountains, the rain, and the fog. I suppose I could have planned this trip out a little better, but instead I've piled on more than 10,000 miles and I haven't crossed the Mississippi River even once.............wait a minute, I went to Iowa, and then back through Memphis. Well, I just barely crossed the muddy Mississippi.

South Beach

2009-04-15T20:07:00.000-07:00

Our late night destinations were greatly simplified thanks to my wardrobe that consists of t-shirts, shorts, and moccasins. Many places don't appreciate a man of such refined tastes as I, and Miami is one of these places. The high end night clubs are expecting you to wear these fancy button down dress shirts and white linen pants. Don't they know, I'm prematurely retired, I should be relaxed and enjoying myself in sweatpants and a t-shirt.

Well, after a bit of gussying, this was the best I could muster, so from the bust stop to the bars we went. I did pick out my favorite "I Cheese Wisconsin" t-shirt so I was pulling out all the stops for this night. It's strange how that's the only picture I have from the weekend in Miami. Normally we live life by the mantra "what happens in insert city here - goes directly to the internet." My theory on this is that I was putting all of my focus in to finding parking spots that I completely forgot to be snapping pictures of all the stops. AND although when most people say things like "not to be mean" or "not to be rude" they usually wind up being mean or rude, I mean it here, not to sell the weekend in Miami short, but the highlight for me was when I got a parking spot just feet from our hotel and feet from the beach. It was absolutely amazing. Apparently I knew the secret handshake to get in this lot. All I said was "is this for Days Inn" a lady moved a cone, and I got the most beautiful parking spot I've ever seen.

To sum things up, we splurged on valet parking, a 4-star hotel, and ridiculously expensive drinks.......but, to me, the real show-stopper for Miami is the beach. The beach is gorgeous. Miles and miles of white sand beach, which occasionally is inhabited by a shark or two grace the coasts along with hundreds, probably thousands of beach goers. It was undoubtedly the best beach I've been to, and it was plenty of fun playing in the water. As for the land activities. I can do with out the bumper to bumper traffic, $15 drinks, midnight dinners, and exclusive clubs.

Lookin' For Manatees

2009-04-15T19:54:00.000-07:00

Ben's flight was a little late - so I took advantage of that time to squeeze in a little more Potter-time. I was on to the last book already and I was finding that I'm enjoying listening to them for the second time to be even more enjoyable than reading them for the first.

Once Ben was in the car, we had one thing on our mind; A1A. We got there, and it was complete craziness. Cars everywhere. Parking spots nowhere. I think we ended up driving around until about 12:30 with absolutely no success finding a place to stick my car except for the IHOP parking lot. We actually started things off like most South Beachers, dinner after midnight. I had a hard time picking out a splashberry, and the genial waitress surprised me with one of each.......she may or may not have charged us for all of these drinks.

We went to bed with the plan of going snorkeling at Biscayne National Park the following day. The weather forecast predicted mid-80's and sun for the entire weekend. My forecast for the snorkel was breezy with a front of goose-bumps coming in. The water was nice, and you'd be pretty warm if you were giving a pretty strong kick. The big thing was that Ben and I have been spoiled. The last time we snorkeled together we were in Hawai'i snorkeling with Sea Turtles which is a surreal experience in itself. Here at Biscayne, the coolest thing I saw underwater was this Heineken bottle.

With my new found love for the lovable, huggable manatee I was on a mission to sea one of these friendly sea creatures - but they were nowhere to be seen. I knew they wouldn't be swimming away from me too, since they're topping out at 2 mph. I ended up kicking my way in the opposite direction to look for spongebob and bikini bottom - and there were sponges all over the place, a couple of little fish, and a fair amount of other garbage.

What's A Brother Have To Do To Catch A Gator

2009-04-15T19:40:00.000-07:00

After fooling around in the "happiest place on earth" (I still stand by my statement that my cubicle, circa 2004, when I had my swinging doors, amazing magnets, dressable Elvis, bouncy ball chair, blender, panini press, and double loop-d-loop slot car track underneath my desk, had replaced Disney World as "the happiest place on earth." Maybe, Disney World commissioned Nancy and her Nancy Boys to get rid of me?? This is an angle I haven't explored yet.

Well, back to business. I had done a bit of fishing for gators, but like many fishing trips end, I didn't get any bites. I rigged up my kayak, and set out for a paddle. Still no bites. I guess gators don't like cheeseburgers. At least I learned a little something. Disregarding the lack of gators on my line, this trip to the glades was perfect. Highs in the 70's lows in the 50's and not a cloud in the sky. Each night I left the rain fly off of my tent and I simply laid there under the approaching full moon. I also had time to get on my bikes. Although the weather was nice, it wasn't perfect. Winds gusted up to 25 mph, so I got out on the road bike early in the morning, and I could bike 25 miles and the elevation would change from 3 feet to four feet at the end of my path. When the wind picked up, I took to the woods on my mountain bike, pedaling through pine and cyprus forests from pond to pond.

Even though I was the only one camping at my site - there were two little critters already there when I pulled in. I named them corn cobbler (because this little guy ate the soft shells I gave her like a cob of corn) and ostrich (because I never saw her fly, she'd just hop around the campsite).

After my last night in the glades I woke up, headed over to take a peak at Biscayne National Park, did my laundry (to eliminate as many harmful odors from my car before I picked up Ben at the airport) and finally checked in to our hotel which was a stone's throw from Miami Beach, and the road Vanilla Ice made famous; A1A.

Ride the Rock 'N Roller Coaster - Disney World - FAIL

2009-04-15T19:22:00.000-07:00

As my day wound down at Sea World I took in a Dolphins show (which was also pretty awesome and it's funny to look through all my pictures of that show because there are dolphins flying all over the place), I saw Sea Lions, sharks, sting rays, and my new favorite animal THE MANATEE. Seriously, look at these guys, how awesome are these things? They call them "the cow of the sea" but I'm not so sure that they shouldn't be "the sloth of the sea" because they move at 2 mph.

Anyway, even though I was having a great time, I really felt like a single, heavily bearded guy with a camera at Sea World was giving people the heebie jeebies. Now, I explained to people I was sitting next to that I was on a sort of scavenger hunt and then they were all for it, but I couldn't explain myself to everyone and for this reason I was dreading going in to Disney World, not to mention the $80 ticket. I ended up driving in to Magic Kingdom. The complete chaos that was going on there scared me, I freaked out, turned, ended up at Epcot Center, and I had to stop ask the guy at the parking fee area how in the world I got out of there. I left, and never looked back. I am sad I didn't do it, but I felt that meandering about Disney World would be torture that I'm more than happy to put off until it will be more fun in the future. What I'm excited about, is the fact that my Sea World ticket is good for a year. Perhaps, I'll check-out their San Antonio and San Diego operations.

Sit In the Front Row For the Shamu Show At Sea World - Check

2009-04-15T19:12:00.001-07:00

When I saw that going to Sea World made Mr. T's list I was tickled.

1) I love animals

and

2) What's better than Animals throwing people around, especially when it's the most dangerous animal of the sea doing so

I chose to sit in the fifth row. In the first row I would have gotten to look straight in to the eyes of these giant beasts, but the whole show wouldn't have looked as good from there and I was still in the heart of the soak zone in row number five. When the whales were done flipping, splashing, and chucking their trainers around I couldn't help but feel badly for them that they're cooped up and have to do this routine over and over again, but they sure did seem to like the fish they got in between each act of the show and I still came away giving it a nice big pinky up.

I'm Going To.........

2009-04-15T19:05:00.000-07:00

I found myself deeply saddened after my recent thwarting at the hands of a pack of mischievous thieve, so, what does a person do to feel better? I'm going to DISNEY WORLD. No, actually, I'm going to Sea World. I packed up my car, said "good-bye" to the friendly retirees, and put my sun burnt self back in to the driver's seat. I only made it as far as Fort Myers on the first stretch and it was terribly hot.........even a six-pack of M & M Ice Cream sandwiches couldn't cool me down, so I got a hotel room and took the time to vacuum out my car, and rearrange everything so I had room for a friend who was going to come down to Miami in a few days.

From Fort Myers it was a short haul to Orlando. With 90 degree weather, $32 hotels, and my old-timers being replaced with vacationing families it was a no-brainer to seclude myself from all of the hub-bub and stick myself in a hotel so I could watch the NCAA Championship in peace and quiet.

Thieves Strike Again

2009-04-05T06:24:00.000-07:00

In Colombia it took exactly three days until two thieves got the best of me. In the USA it took thirty. While I was sleeping soundly my things were being ransacked by a pack of curious critters. Raccoons invaded my camp and apparently they love Power Bars. Instead of placing my cooler back in my car, I left it just feet from my tent where it sat all day in the shade. In the morning, wrappers were everywhere, my lunch meat was gone, they even bit in to a beer can which was empty when I rose. I scoured the area, followed the trail of litter looking for a raccoon or two that was hungover and holding its belly from eating too much chocolate without turning up anything. Saddened by the loss of my food, I cleaned out my cooler, packed up my gear, and left the keys, sun-burned body, weary eyes, and empty cooler, now heading north in a bit of irony, seeking cooler temperatures as the 90 degree days and 80 degree nights have forced me to take shelter in a Days Inn where I sit watching Steven Seagal movies. However, I wasn't just sitting here enjoying the crappy movies, I did unload my car, vacuum it out, and reorganize things so that I have room for Ben when he comes down here this Thursday.

The Last State Park

2009-04-05T06:16:00.000-07:00

For me, the end of the line was Bahia Honda State Park. Although Curry Hammock was nice, Bahia Honda was my personal favorite. Three separate beaches are tucked away on this key, two featuring the secluded, calm waters of the Gulf and one on the Atlantic side that actually had some decent waves. There also was an observation bridge where the lady at the entrance said I would be able to see Manta Rays, Sharks, Manatees (and believe me I was excited to see the cow of the sea), everything down in the water......I didn't see anything, but I believe her as she was from Madison. My evening was spent surfing the waves in my kayak. Another event I was looking forward to, but it turned out to be more work than fun. Whenever I caught a wave it was a blast riding it in to the shoreline, but every single run resulted in a hull full of water which had to be emptied each time I got back on shore. Tired from a series of pour night's sleep, as soon as the sun went down, I crawled in to my bed for what I hoped would be a good night's sleep.

Blue and Purple Balloons are Pretty

2009-04-05T05:56:00.000-07:00

My next retirement community to inhabit was Curry Hammock. I honestly was amazed that nearly every single campsite was inhabited by an RVing married couple. I figured that there would be at least one frugle spring breaking group having a few beers, and enjoying the beach, but not so much. Florida has received its stereotype as a retirement community for good reason.

My neighbors at John Pennekamp were awfully jealous that I was able to get a site at Curry Hammock, because it is their favorite campgrounds in the keys and for good reason. The sites are close to the ocean, the facilities are great, and the community is close knit. I was only there one night, but that night everyone in the campgrounds went down to a bonfire for snacks and conversation. I wore my "I Cheese Wisconsin" t-shirt and everyone's hidden love for Wisconsin came out as the night went along.

Yuckin' it up with the old-timers wasn't the only thing I did while here. I lathered up my sun burn and headed back out in to the ocen on my kayak. Paddling in and out of a bay took me to a iguana colony I read about on the bulletin board. These iguanas were once pets, released in to the wild and they have reproduced and are threatening the population of Florida Blue butterflies. Then I saw this bright blue and purple banana-shaped thing floating out in the middle of the bay. I immediately paddled over to it, poked it, splashed it a bit, and then it hit me, I had read about the Portugese Man 'O War on the bulletin board as well. I had read a man 'o warning about how children are particularly drawn to this blue and purple balloon. They aren't kidding, it looked pretty neat as it convulsed and rolled over trying to catch more wind with its sail. I managed not to get stung, and I made it back to camp before sunset.

It's Just Me and My Retirees

2009-04-05T05:44:00.001-07:00

While reviewing campgrounds I was excited at one RV Park that they offered BINGO, but my drive to Key West revealed that there are four state parks in the keys and it just so happened that I was able to get one night at each of them in geographical order from east to west.

Next up for me was Long Key State Park. I arrived before check-in so I sat on the beach for an hour or two. A passing couple enjoyed the campaign flyer, but after reading "Common Sense for the Common Man" and speaking with me, the man's advice to me is that I need a little more common sense. Meanwhile, his wife applied sun tan lotion to my back and disclosed that he had just turned 70 years old. He was right, I did need to use more common sense, it's not too likely that he'll have a vote, or care to use it in 2024.

Once in the park, I set up camp, went for a paddle and realized that my two hours of sitting on the beach had already burnt the three B's; my back, belly, and bald spot. Maybe sunscreen companies aren't kidding when they say to replace your sunscreen every year - I always assumed that you don't listen to the company that makes the product. Even my pink body couldn't stop me from enjoying the rest of the evening and taking in the sunset from my campsite which was just 15 feet from the beating of the Atlantic's waves.

The End of the Road

2009-04-05T05:33:00.000-07:00

Even though the weather was already nice in Orlando, and even nicer in the Everglades (although these little black gnats were biters and I came out of there with red splotches all over my body), I got back in my car and headed further south yet until I hit the end of HWY 1, Key West.

I didn't really know what to do here, I sneaked a peak at Earnest Hemingway's house and then realized that this already overcrowded island had many more cars entering it than exiting it, so I decided to help their overcrowding problem by exiting immediately and back to Key Largo where I had a campsite reserved at John Pennekamp Coral Reef State Park. Alas, my snorkel gear that I brought along "just in case" is going to come in handy. I don't think I took any pictures here - but I snorkeled at Canon Beach. Which is aptly named, because while snorkeling I saw several canons lying on the sea floor. What I really wanted to see was "Jesus of the Deep" but they say he's only viewable on SCUBA tours. I'm certified, but I didn't think it was worth it just to shake hands with Jesus. Instead, I headed back to camp, made friends with my neighbors (as you really have to here, the campsites are right on top of each other), and I enjoyed the fact that I could sleep in my tent without putting up the rain fly. I also just realized that I am forgeting to do all Jesus related side adventures. I totally forgot about doing the 54 Miracles of Jesus miniature golf in Lexington, KY. I was looking forward that, because that's a whole lot of miracles and it's miniature golf. Decent combination.

"Fishin'" for Gators - Check

2009-04-05T05:14:00.000-07:00

I drove in to the Everglades, fishin' gear in hand excited to see what many consider just fields of tall grass. It turns out, that the park has enough traffic at it's Eastern Entrance that the gators (I saw this one in a ditch north of the park and couldn't get my buns in the water before he went under and in to the mangroves) don't hang around there. The abundance of gators is what lead me to get a cheeseburger as bait rather than a T-Bone. I thought the T-Bone would all but guarantee catching one, and I wasn't entirely sure if I wanted that to happen. Especially if I got the "bite" while I was in my kayak. I figured that a cheeseburger would be delicously tantalizing, but that I'd be more likely to catch a human than a gator. But, as it turns out, I simply got my buns wet, then sat in on a presentation about kayaking the Everglade's back-country. I have decided that I will be able to launch my kayak make it in to the first chikee (elevated campsite) and back out without getting lost and I plan on doing that this week. I will rig up some sort of apparatus so that my gator-fishin gear from behind. So, I'll have another chance to reel in a lunker with my Spongebob fishing pole. Until then all I can do is enjoy the pictures I took that night in the park.

Southern Warmth

2009-04-05T05:08:00.000-07:00

I took my idea to drive south until it's warm to the extreme. My second day of driving south took me to Helikawa State Park, just north of Orlando. It was a pretty nice park that had hot springs for swimming (which weren't really necessary as temps were now above 80 degrees), a nice little creek for canoeing, and the park actually had a few hills, which is very uncommon in Florida, the flattest state in the US, for biking. Even though I was just a few miles away from Seaworld and Disney World I chose to tune up my bicycle, get to bed early, and get an early start the following day so that I could procure gator "fishin'" equipment and head on down to the Everglades.

Finally a Real American Monument

2009-03-28T18:36:00.000-07:00

These last few days were marred by bad weather, machine gun-toting marines, and my poor planning, but all was not lost.

I finally made it to a true American icon; FOAMHENGE! Ancient American's built this monument out of Styrofoam at the site of their burials. Years later the British copied our Foamhenge by building an even bigger monument using stone rather than the more environmentally friendly Styrofoam.

Beaten to Submission

2009-03-28T18:31:00.000-07:00

Two nights at Prince William Forest was all I needed until the campgrounds at Shenandoah National Park opened. I left the rat-a-tat-tat of machine guns for the mountains of Shenandoah hopefully leaving the bad weather behind. I pulled up to the ranger and asked for two nights - he gave me a grave look, and said "you might want to think about staying just one night - tomorrow is going to be a real soaker."

He was right about tomorrow, but he was wrong about tonight. Thanks to a few pieces of dry wood from the neighboring campers I started a fire and had hot dogs and corn on the cob for dinner. The second I finished it began to rain, and it rained well in to the night. I crawled out of my tent round 3am to go to the bathroom and amazingly I looked up at the sky and saw stars. I thought, I had outlasted the bad weather........I went back to bed, left to dream of a nice bike ride along Skyline Drive in the morning. When I awoke, the park was blanketed with a thick, white fog. I gave in, I quit, I packed up my things and decided that I was driving south until it got warm. Now I'm camped out just outside Georgia, as lightning strikes and the Ranger's soaker continues to pour down over the entire east coast.

Taken it to the Hut, Pizza the Hut

2009-03-28T18:26:00.001-07:00

Before I left the Prince William Forest area I took on the Pizza Hut lunch buffet for the third time this trip. Just like my previous two attempts I hit the wall at seven pieces of pizza and a salad. I'm going to get better once I start exercising more.

Prince William Forest

2009-03-28T18:08:00.000-07:00

It turns out that the place where I should have been staying was the place that I had just left. Just to the south of DC lies Prince William Forest State Park. They like late arrivals, have a bike lane around their scenic drive and I had every campsite in the park to choose from.

I set up camp, tested out my new hatchet, and by the time I had a healthy pile of wood next to my fire-pit I was wondering to myself why no one else was camping here? Perhaps these people knew about the impending weather. I spent two rainy nights, hiding out in my tent for most of the time. When I wasn't hiding out in my tent, I was sitting in my car in parking lots making phone calls and sending e-mails. I also got a pretty sweet pair of 3-D glasses by going to see Coraline, and I stopped at Borders picked up a book on "Extreme Adventures" and two new audio books as I'm flying through all the ones that I uploaded to my phone.

The absence of campers also may have been due to the parks close proximity to Quantico Marine Base. I thought nothing other than "that's cool" when I saw it on the map, but then each night as the rain was pelting my tent of in the distance was the whir of helicopter blades. In the morning I rose to the chatter of machine gun fire. As you may guess, sleeping to the sound of machine guns and helicopters is not the most comforting sound to sleep to.

I did manage to spend two nights here with no one other than the squirrels, woodpeckers, and deer. The rain had ruined my pile of recently chopped wood, but I still managed to have a nice fire and leave my mark before I left the campsite.

Speaking of my audio books. I've "read" a lot of books so far and surprisingly, each one was good in its own way. I started things out with On the Road by Jack Kerouac. This book made me want to pick up hitch-hikers - I moved a few things around, re-arranged my sleeping area (aka my hatch-back), but still I couldn't make enough room for a passenger. Next up was the 9/11 Commission Report. The thoroughness of the report is extremely impressive, and it's written more as a story than a report which keeps the reader (listener) intrigued as the chapters fly by. Next up; Hold Tight by Harlan Coben. Enjoyable. Finally, I moved on to the Harry Potters. Three down, and they're just as good as I remember them.

I Should Have Slept With the Llamas

2009-03-28T18:02:00.000-07:00

From the llamas I went to Wal-Mart and got myself a hatchet to chop some wood once I found a camp-site. I was focused on getting to False Cape State Park, which is just south of Virginia Beach on the ocean. I read enough about it to know where it was and that I wanted to go there. What I didn't know that it did not allow "late arrivals" or cars for that matter. This park requires that you walk or bike in to it. I arrived as the sun was setting, which meant I wasn't camping there. I drove to two other campgrounds in the area and neither one allowed late night arrivals. I finally, ended up in a hotel in Suffolk, VA, which is particularly sad, because this night was the last nice night for the next couple of days.

Fuzzy Farm

2009-03-28T17:55:00.001-07:00

Prior to my South American predicament my random internet searchings had included me typing "miniature llamas" into google. This keyword would direct me to a place called the fuzzy farm. Since I happened to be in the area I decided to take a stroll down Fuzzy Farm Lane. Based on the sign in this picture it looks like only the llamas live there so I continued on my journey.

The Streak Has Ended

2009-03-25T06:30:00.000-07:00

It has been exactly 33 days since I last paid a toll.....then I tried to get into DC and they stuck me for $0.75. I was already committed and it was too late to turn around. Things snowballed from there as I paid $2.00 to get over a bridge. They may as well just put a troll at these things. Hopefully today will be different.

It takes exactly 5 days...........

2009-03-24T21:41:00.000-07:00

to finish 35, 39 peanut servings which makes up a super-sized jar of Planters honey roasted peanuts. They were delicious but they went much too fast for my liking. The jar is currently serving as my garbage receptacle.

I'm Starting to See Camoflauge

2009-03-24T21:36:00.000-07:00

After all this time I've spent in the south I'm starting to be able to see camoflauge. I got to my campsite plenty early to set up my tent, make a fire, and fry up some cheddy-dogs and while I was searching the premise for wood I came across a pocket knife, even though it was colored in camoflauge. Clearly it's owner couldn't find it after it was dropped, and when I saw it, I could hardly believe my eyes, so I put my feet next to it to see if I could see them as well while they stood on top of the leaf covered earth.

It was good that I found the knife though as a campsite here cost $34. That seems like an awful lot, so I made sure to find all of my wood on the ground, use as much of their internet as I could, did my laundry and I took a shower in the morning. I don't know if it was worth $34 yet, but it was getting closer.

The Rest of WAshington DC

2009-03-24T20:34:00.000-07:00

It took my longer than anticipated to find the protestor, but I still spared some time to see the Washington Monument, and I tried to get tickets to go up it, but they were sold out. I also walked to the WWII Memorial, Lincoln Memorial, Korean War Memorial, Jefferson Memorial, FDR Memorial, Vietnam War Memorial, The Capitol, Fox News spying on the Capitol, and I saw Marine 1, or one of President Obama's helicopters coming in to the White House. After walking around Washington Mall and The National Mall I decided it was time to leave DC without getting to Arlington National Cemetery.

Say "Hi" to Legal Protestor at the White House - CHECK

2009-03-24T20:04:00.000-07:00

With Shenandoah's campgrounds closed I arrived in DC well ahead of schedule, but I took advantage of this by immediately hunting down the White House Protestor. She proved more elusive than it sounds; Find the White House, find the protestor, right?? Now, this is kind of sad, but I parked right by the White House and I looked everywhere for the protestor, and then finally I noticed Michelle Obama's vegetable garden and I realized I was looking at the White House's back yard. Better this happened now rather than 16 years from now when Marty and I are inaugurated.

Now that I realized my folly it was time to circle around this monstrous building. On my way I began to see positive signs, here was a bit of that free-love atmosphere made popular in the 60's when protesting was all the rage. Then I turned the corner, and voila, there she was, camped out right in front of the White House, Marty's future residence. This lady is protesting all sorts of things, nuclear weapons, war in Iraq, war in Afghanistan, all previous wars, the occupation of Israel, the use of nuclear weapons...now I'm no fan of war, but I don't think I'm a fan of protesting either, I don't think it's the best use of a person's time. Anyway, I dove right in to the challenge. This lady was talking with a group of tourists whom she could tell were from Indonesia. I walked up to her said "Hello" and she pointed to me and said "see, him - there, he's a killer!" Our relationship wasn't getting off on the right foot. I was hoping to ask her if I could reserve the campsite next to her and spend the night, but now I'm a killer? This coming from the lady who knew the people right next to me were from Indonesia. I hjung my head in shame and walked away assuming that she was probably right. So much, for camping out in front of the White House. Looking back at these events I believe that my problem was walking in there with a smile on my face and a camera in my hands. I may return, but next time I will be in disguise and prepared to tell her that I agree with most of her beliefs.

Next Stop: Shenandoah National Park

2009-03-24T19:37:00.000-07:00

On Sunday, the 22nd, what little bit of this trip I had planned out started to go a little haywire. I was planning on spending a few nights camping in Shenandoah National Park. There are four campsites scattered about the 105 miles of the Skyline Drive and after seeing that the first one was closed, I thought "sure, this one is the highest elevation, it doesn't need to be open." But, then the next three campgrounds were closed as well. Now what do I do?? I looked out across the Appalachians while the sun was setting. I saw several deer, extremely tame deer I should say, and by the time I was getting close to the end of the 105 mile drive through the park I was beginning to get a little cranky and hungry.

Once I exited the park it was time to figure out what to do about lodging. I stopped at one campsite and it was already after hours. This would be the story of the next couple of days. I ended up spending the night at a Red Roof Inn in Winchester, VA where the internet connection was weak and the deluxe continental breakfast had cereal. I did get on the internet long enough to realize that I drove right by foamhenge. I am hoping that I end up driving back through that neck of the woods.

Rescue in Cade's Cove

2009-03-24T10:22:00.000-07:00

After playing around on top of the mountain we decided to take in some views by a creek, learn what not to do by fast moving, shallow water, and we checked out some extreme hazards in between sitting down by the creek.

From there it was on to Cade's Cove. After driving in, seeing a ton of people driving extremely slowly, it was decided that we take the first pull-out to exit the Cove immediately. In this bypass we found a stranded woman whose car wouldn't start. Naturally, Sam jumped in to action, pulled out his jumper cables, and let this old man who was calling the shots give her a jump.

To reward the good deed we fled Smoky Mountain National Park for Sam and Katie's hot tub where we played sinkers and floaters with beer bottles. This game may not ever become as popular as zorbing but it's quite fun in its own right especially when you put a little something on the line for the loser.

Clingman's Revisited and the Appalachian Trail

2009-03-24T09:48:00.001-07:00

After zorbing, the three of us made a group trip to Wal-Mart, and then headed back to Sam and Katie's cabin for the evening (THANKS AGAIN for letting me spend the night and feeding me - a drifter like myself always appreciates some good company and hospitality along the way).

It was a good thing too, because the night was crisp, when I woke up to get a dozen eggs, my car was frosted and even with leaving the cabin's oven at 250 degrees, the cabin temperature still reached down to an uncomfortable cold.

This morning we decided that Sam and Katie would take my bikes up Clingman's and I would hike a ways on the Appalachian Trail. I knew that like Mutt before us, both Sam and I were pitsies, but I was looking forward to whether or not he had a hard time getting up that mountain and if it would take the two of them as long as it took me. It turns out, yes, it is a difficult climb.

I headed off in the opposite direction, to log a few miles of hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Along the way I saw some ancient hieroglyphics.....which made me wish that I had studied Ancient American or Ancient Native American history to know what these things met. For some reason, it does look familiar, maybe like something I've seen before on a skit like "The Ambiguously Gay Duo?" But, I continue to think that no one from modern times would sully these beautiful landscapes so I continue to think it was ancient man's way of documenting ye olde life and times.

The New Zealanders Did It Again....

2009-03-24T09:15:00.001-07:00

It seems as though everything New Zealand comes up with is golden, except maybe the fiddlin' with sheep that they're known for.

Thanks to the cell coverage I had on top of Old Smoky, I learned that Sam and Katie were in Pigeon Forge preparing to go Zorbing. Zorbing is a New Zealand gem in which you place yourself in a ball filled with warm water, which is suspended by 100's, maybe 1,000's of nylon cords that are connected to a larger ball. Once you're in, all you do is roll down a big hill. The zorbs are brought back up the hill by a zorbulator and repeat. It's completely hilarious. It's so much fun you jump for joy the second you're let out of the zorb.

Lucky for me, I was at the highest point, and it was all downhill to Pigeon Forge. I hopped on my bicycle and in a matter of minutes the 7 miles that had taken me, let's say, two hours to ascend, took maybe 20-30 minutes to descend, and it was a lot of fun. I strapped my bike back on to my car and raced the 20+ miles back to down to Pigeon Forge.

Racing down the Smokies was fun but it wasn't nearly as much fun as zorbing. After you've rolled down the hill, you stop, a bit of the water comes out, and then you get flushed out of the zorb. From afar this is reminding me a bit like the birth canal I traversed in Mammoth Caves.

The only variation to zorbing (other than what path you take down the hill) is whether you go wet or dry. Sam, Katie, and I found that the three of us in a wet zorb at the same time was by far the most enjoyable. We went down the hill together, it was a slippery mess in there and I just couldn't stop giggling the whole way down. When we made it to the bottom we let out a big ol' zorb jump and now it was time to get some warm, dry clothes on.

On Top of Old Smoky All Covered in Beans

2009-03-24T07:35:00.000-07:00

While many Spring Breakers fled to the warm climates of Mexico and Florida Sam and his girlfriend, Katie decided to head on down to the Smoky Mountains for Katie's spring break.

As you would imagine this was much to my enjoyment. I knew there would be a bit of waffling as there are many places a person can go within 12 hours of Milwaukee (see my 15 hour driving fun radius map for proof), but in the end the Smokies and their veritable cornucopia of tourist traps won out.

So, for me it was back to TN and I had one thing on my mind: The Bush Beans Factory I had passed on my way to SC. Upon my arrival I followed the arrows associated with the word "visitors" on all of their signs, but this led me to gate 2 which was the employee parking lot, shipping and receiving, and a man with a sweet handle-bar mustache who told me where I could get a much better picture and possibly a walk-through.

I followed his instructions, and he did not disappoint. Two left turns later, a much larger than life Bush's Beans can was in plain view and all that was standing between me and that can was a 50+ year old security lady. I inquired about tours, and she told me the man in charge of tours was on vacation, but if I came back Monday he would gladly walk me around the facility. In the end I said I would be happy if I could just get a picture in front of the can. I answered a few questions, showed her my pocket knife, told her I didn't have any anthrax on me, and next thing I knew she personally escorted me to the can, told me about the Bush brothers' philanthropy, took my picture, and refused to join me because she said she was "not too photogenic."

Since I wasn't able to see how those delicious beans were pumped in to cans I needed to find something else to do. I decided that I had time to climb up to Clingman's Dome, the highest point in Tennessee and one of the highest points in the Smokies. I had every intention of hiking the 14 mile round trip, but when I got out of my car I asked a couple that were just descending down the trail about the hike and they suggested that I take my bike as they only made it about a mile or so. BRILLIANT - I knew the path was paved the entire way, but I never thought about taking my bicycle. Even with my bike it still took nearly 3 hours to bike 14 miles, and hike 1 mile. As I climbed the 1,600+ feet to Clingman's Dome I alternated from being sweaty to cold depending on whether I was ascending or descending, in to the wind, out of the wind, and as I got higher I started to see snow and ice, and even turkeys.

All along I was hoping to see Black Bears, as my initial intention was to find a nice poking stick and hike around the park, poking the bears telling them "It's time to wake up, hibernation is over!" It didn't take long to remember what happened the last time I showed this sort of audacity - yup, I was flying home with one malfunctioning digit. So, I changed my tune to "the bears are my friends." But, still, I don't see them living in these parts, there aren't any jars of honey or pic-i-nic baskets lying around.

Several times the thought had crossed my mind to turn around, and begin the fun part of the journey, the descent, but I stuck with it and finally I reached the top. Upon my arrival I realized that I was not the first person to make it to the top - this turkey was already up there playing on the railing, and AT&T had made it up here long before I, making this the first spot in the Smokies where I had cell phone coverage. A pleasant surprise, to say the least. Aside from the cell phone reception, the Dome was pretty sweet, very nice panoramic views of TN, and NC, and it's entirely wheel chair accessible.

Facing My Fears.........

2009-03-19T19:52:00.000-07:00

I knew that the only way to overcome my fears was to face them head on - so I headed back to Columbia, Columbia, South Carolina that is.

For the record, Columbia, SC is not the safest place on earth. There are "Do not leave valuables in your vehicle" signs posted all over Congaree National Park and they even lock up the park after 5:30 pm. I had every intention of camping here this night, but I arrived at 8 pm, saw the locked gate, drove around a parking lot that was full of what I thought was girl scouts, and then I went looking for alternate lodging after taking a quick pic of the swamp from the road.

The following morning I learned that these "kids" I saw weren't Girl Scouts, but they were college students waiting to go on a canoe ride the following morning. They also mentioned that there was plenty of room for me to pitch my tent - DANG-IT. I wound up staying in Columbia, but I guess it was good to face my fears even though I was constantly peaking out my window making sure that no one was messing with my yak or my bikes.

I went to the visitor's center to ask about the paddling. I had read about alligators, and I wondered just how tasty my little whitewater kayak would look to a gator?? After the Rangers assured me it was fine to paddle Cedar Creek, I quickly hiked a 2-mile boardwalk tour to get an idea for the lay of the land (picture 1, picture 2, picture 3, picture 4, picture 5).

Other than the multitude of log jams, twists, and turns this Cedar Creek was nothing like the Cedar Creek that I have grown to love in Cedarburg, WI. It lacked the fast rapids, and numerous dams and spillways but it did have a much higher probability of being eaten by an alligator, and I like the sound of that. During my 7-mile paddle I didn't bump in to any gators, but I did see two wild pigs, who looked delicious. Another diferentiator of Congaree's Cedar Creek is that it's a swamp and there are inlets and outlets all over the place. So many times, I wasn't sure if I was going the right way, or if I was just paddling in the middle of the swamp, but every mile or so little markers would appear. Each and every time they gave me that warm, fuzzy feeling inside knowing that I was headed in the right direction towards the canoe landing.

Hit a Golf Ball Like Happy Gilmore - Myrtle Beach, SC - CHECK

2009-03-19T19:31:00.000-07:00

My second night in the smokies was St. Patrick's Day. I decided to sit with my sensitive neighbors, have a few beers, and see what they were all about. In our discussions we started to talk about Congaree National Park in South Carolina. None of us had been there, and I decided maybe it was a good time for me to go and on the way I could swing over to Myrtle Beach and wahck one golf ball. Soon video of my golf shot will be up, but until then here's the only picture I took of Myrtle Beach.

Like I said, I get scared now, and Myrtle Beach is a dump. There are tons of Cash Advance stores, pawn shops, and I even saw stores that said "Real Cash Money for Car Titles." I don't know what that means, but I bet it has something to do with stolen cars.

I Still Get Scared Sometimes

2009-03-19T19:03:00.000-07:00

It's kind of sad - since my mugging, I get a little scared doing anything on my own. Scared for my stuff, scared for myself - I guess I've lost a bit of that once implicit trust I had in people. My first night in the Smokies proved this. I was minding my own business lying in my tent listening to an audiobook. I took off my headphones and I heard voices as if they were right in my campsite. I left my headphones off long enough to hear two voices that were speaking of nothing more than relationships. Whether or not they were in my site didn't matter anymore as I was certain they meant no harm.

The following morning I spoke to my neighbors and it turned out that they were a German and a University of Tennessee student who were on Spring Break together. I would find that they were really good guys when I joined them by their fire for a few beers on St. Patrick's Day. I went on a bike ride, hiked to Abram's Falls, wore my helmet in case I fell, and made it back alive. Then I drove up to the tallest part of the Smokies to hike to Climgman's Dome only to find that the road leading here was still closed, so instead I hiked around the West Prong Pigeon River.

Something is Smoky in These Mountains

2009-03-19T18:54:00.000-07:00

The Great Smoky Mountains, Sevierville and Gatlinburg in particular are Wisconsin Dells taken to a whole nother level. It's complete craziness. Every other building is Ripley's ______, there's a NASCAR track, multi-level roller skating, 2,893 holes of miniature golf, a hill-billy village, mocassin shops, and a half dozen or so stores that sell nothing but "As Seen On TV" merchandise.

It probably goes without saying that this place is totally awesome. But, before I became victim to the tourist traps I stopped and took a picture of a sign for Duke and then I went to the Great Smoky Mountain National Park.

You pass through a tunnel to get to the campsites, and then I could bare witness to why these mountains are called "Smoky" and then I took a bike ride before the sunset.

Walkin' Through Memphis like Marc Cohn - CHECK

2009-03-15T20:37:00.000-07:00

umm......I walked in Memphis

I guess both of these are questionable - one, I didn't really eat Jacks BBQ since they were closed, and two I watched this guy's music video, and I drove around looking for sights from it. I didn't find any similarities and I didn't do all that much walking, because, Memphis is kind of a dump, and I get scared easily now. I should get a little credit for back-tracking a bit to get these, but maybe that just means I have too much time on my hands?

Eat Ribs at Jack's BBQ - Memphis, TN - CHECK

2009-03-15T20:35:00.000-07:00

CHA-CHING!! First challenge completed (kind of).

My Visit to Morency Manor

2009-03-15T19:44:00.000-07:00

Many people go to the Nashville area to visit the Hermitage (Andrew Jackson's home) or maybe James Polk's home, but I chose a hidden gem amongst Nashville's abodes: Morency Manor.

Situated on 1/8 of an acre lies this open concept elegant home with large rooms and big closets. Master bedroom has a jacuzzi suited for two regular sized adults or one Pat-sized adult.........anyway, Pat is an ex-coworker of mine who defected to Nashville from Milwaukee. Pat and his wife adjusted quickly to southern living as Sue drives a truck, Pat is wearing cowboy boots, and I'm sure both of them are watching NASCAR religiously. As Southern as they've become, the night time proved that Pat hasn't completely given up on good old fashioned Midwestern values. He still likes to put down a few beers.

The night started with VIP treatment at the Big River Brewery and Grill. Thanks to some sort of card that Pat has the two of us were bumped to the front of the line and immediately seated. All the better for us, as that allowed us to get to Coyote Ugly's earlier than expected, just in time to see a rather butch girl have her shirt removed and do a body shot. As more and more girls scaled the bar to give a little dance, I began to worry more and more about my nine healthy fingers, assuming one was going to get stomped when I wasn't paying attention so we left for Buck Wild. Here we saw a rather interesting karaoke act, an old man who apparently doesn't go anywhere without his flute, singing a Jethro Tull song that features the flute. We resisted the temptation of doing a little Nude Karaoke. It was a particularly easy decision on my part as karaokiing while naked would just be double the embarassment for me. We walked on down Printer's Alley to Lonnie's to enjoy a bucket of beer and some ultra-talented karaokeers and some that are not-so-talented. Finally, I've always grumbled that Pat taught everyone else in the office the important things in life like "where to sit at Hooters" so finally, the day was mine, but instead we simply used their bathroom and headed for home. We managed to hit a brief detour for one last beer and Pat dropped the landmine on me that his current job is at a "more casual" pace than the job he was doing when he sat right behind me........this was a surprise because feet up on the table, reading a magazine is my definition of "casual." Can it get more casual than that?? Hammock?? Shorts?? I don't know, but I didn't enjoy some uncommonly good southern hospitality from the Morencys, and although I did find a few decent spots to set up my tent in their yard - I broke my number one rule and slept in a bed for the night. Perhaps, sleeping in my tent would have eliminated the headache I woke up with the following morning.

The Man From the Cave Returns to His Home

2009-03-15T18:30:00.000-07:00

After three days above ground on Saturday, the 14th I returned to the cave in which I was found. A last second cancellation allowed me to take the Wild Caves Tour. They call this tour "very difficult" but really all you just have to be able to fit through all of the openings (I just barely made the cut), and you can't be scared of heights, tight spaces, the dark, spiders, and bats. The trip itself was not all that physically demanding - even for a disabled man like myself who's working with only nine fingers.

We covered six miles of the cave. We climbed down the lion's mouth, popped out the birth canal, traversed the sewer pipe, hiked across David's Lost Sea, circled two humming holes, and I lost a belt loop squeezing through the Bare Hole (which is aptly named because one guide passing through lost his pants as he squeezed through the small opening). The cave was beautiful in its own unique ways, but my two favorite parts of the tour came when we all had our headlamps turned off. Ranger John stopped the tour two separate times and had all of us turn off our lights. In the complete darkness, everyone sang a verse of America the Beautiful (sadly, the future Vice President (me) didn't even know the words, but it was still pretty awesome). Near the end of the tour, once again, in perfect darkness, we simply sat for a few minutes in a peaceful silence which Ranger John followed up with a few short stories.

Sitting In the Snow

2009-03-13T14:55:00.000-07:00

I had already experienced record high temperatures and torrential downpours so when I saw that it was supposed to snow Thursday night I wasn't all that surprised.

I'd say 1-2 inches accumulated on the ground and it was enough to have me hiding out in my tent. While in these close confines I continued to listen to Three Musketeers and I created a map with tacks that represent each of the challenges that the BDHS students and Mr. Thompson came up with. I also listed all of the National Parks and started thinking about what route I am going to take from here on out. I did come up with a few good ideas, but I'm just going to go ahead and let those be a surprise for everyone.

Just like the piles of snow were a surprise for me in the morning.

Mr. Thompson's 5th Hour's Ultimate Adventure

2009-03-12T14:01:00.000-07:00

I haven't expressed any of my new goals for this trip other than getting in better shape........and I think I'm going to keep it that way. BUT, once again some of the fine young students at Brown Deer High School have come up with a laundry list of challenges for me to complete:

Corn Palace, SD (Collin)
Oceanside, CA; Ruby's Pier; have dinner inside as the restaurant rocks from the waves while you eat (Amanda)
Coney Island, ride every single ride (chris/Amanda)
Fenway Park, see the Sox play (brett)
Forks, WA, eat an apple while watching the movie Twilight (apparently it's in the movie; amanda/collin/jackie)
Ribs in Memphis, Jack's Bar-B-Q Rib Shack (robert)
"Walk in Mempis" like Marc Cohn (robert)
Roick-n-Roller coaster at Disney World (amanda)
Cedar Points amusement park in Sandusky, OH, ride the top thrill dragster (robert)
Chicago and test drive a lamborghini (brian)
Seaworld and sit in the front row for the Shamu show (amanda)
Vegas roller coaster at NY, NY (amanda)
$1 slot in vegas where you can win the car; after you win, sell it and donate half to the class for a party (class)
$1 on a roulette table; #13 black; let it ride 3 times and then dontate winnings to class (class)
4 corners of the USA; doing the Shiva dance (Hindu god-check the pose on Google; jessica)
go say hi to lady who lives legally in a tent in front of the White House (amanda)
Arizona; climb a red rock; take a picture of the sunset (amanda)
Chinatown in NY; eat a chicken foot on a stick (mr. thompson)
New Orleans; eat jumbalya (amanda)
SF, get the Mythbuster's autographs (chris)
SF, stand at the corner of Haight and Ashburyand wear a flower in your hair (chris)
chicago, walk into a Bear's bar with a Packers shirt
Alligator "fishing" in the Everglades (chris)
Myrtle Beach, SC; tee of like Happy Gilmore (robert)

Now, a few of these I've already done and I'm scared for my kayak and bicycles on the challenges in NYC - but I'm going to give it my best effort in completing all of these tasks. As a matter of fact, I'm going to spend my evening in the snow acquiring a bulletin board, a map of the USA, and some push pins so that I can map this whole thing out. I can't deny that I'm really looking forward to driving up to BDHS in that shiny new corvette before I sell it for a party for them.

There's More to KY than just Caves

2009-03-12T13:53:00.000-07:00

I spent a day journeying beyond the parks boundaries. This little side-trip took me to the Louisville Slugger Museum. It was a pretty cool factory tour. I saw a few of Billy Hall's bats in the dryer while touring the factory during its hours of operation. They also had a small memorabilia area where they held one of only three known Babe Ruth bats. On this bat, Babe put a notch in it for each home run he hit with it. This particular bat was from the season he hti 60, and 21 were hit with this bat before it broke. Next I hopped on the bourbon trail. I'm not much of a bourbon guy, but I wanted to see where Evan Williams is distilled, Heavan's Hills distillery. Even though I had an abundance of down time thanks to unanticipated cold spell I only stopped for photo-ops at the Save-A-Lot "pick-5 meat sale" and at the BINGO parlor.

Last night I went to Watchmen - $6 to see a movie in KY, that's kind of nice.....perhaps tonight I'll BINGO or pick 5 meats of my liking? I need to do something, because it's snowing outside as I type.

Peculiar Finds at Mammoth National Park

2009-03-12T13:39:00.000-07:00

The first day in the park I was awoken by turkeys. While I kayaked about the Green River I saw dozens of turtles. But what I found most peculiar were the animals outside of the park that were mammoth in size. All over Cave City, I found T-Rex, and assumed my standard "don't eat me, I don't mean you any harm" pose in front of the Rex, Triceratops, Pteradactyl, and Alligators. Thank goodness I took Dinosaurs class in college or else I probably wouldn't have been able to identify all of these creatures I stumbled upon.

Among my other peculiar finds at Mammoth National Park was a bunch of empty beer cans and a pregnancy test wand. I couldn't verify which item lead to the other just by looking at them, but I'm quite sure that they are related in some way.

I also learned that the one predominant color in Kentucky is camouflage. I headed out on a mission to get some hiking boots (they will not let me where my moccasins on my Wild Caves Tour this Saturday) and most of them were camouflage. Then, much to my delight, I found a pair of camouflage moccasins. Of course I picked them up, and now, I highly doubt that anyone is ever going to be able to see my feet.

The Man From the Cave.......

2009-03-12T13:18:00.000-07:00

The following day I signed up for the "New Entrance Tour." This was a 3/4 mile trek through a cave found in the 1920's by George Morrison who used 20 sticks of dynamite to blow an entrance in to the cave where a sinkhole was. So, the cave wasn't really that new, but it was pretty awesome, and it's one of the only sections of the cave that shows typical cave formations like stalagtites, stalagmites, and draperies. The cave also provided you with the necessary first aid equipment if you were to follow down one of the many narrow accessways.

The tour took about two hours and I took on my usual roll of vacationing families photographer. I happened to take the photo of two families whom I spoke with on the bus ride back to the visitor center - and as I was going down to check out the natural entrance to the 360+ miles of Mammoth Cave, Steven ran ahead to ask if I wanted to join them for dinner that night. Gladly, I accepted.

I stopped at the local Dairy Queen to pick-up a cake for dessert and then headed over to the Jellystone where the two families (one from Texas, the other from Connecticut) were staying. Upon my arrival, they asked the kids if they remembered me, and one of the little guys responded "Yeah, that's the man from the caves." I pointed to him, and replied "that's right, and I'd like to be referred to as "the man from the cave" for the remainder of the night." It was by far the best evening of the trip to date. I played Pirates and Land-lubbers, tag, freeze-tag, and hide-and-seek with the kids, then had dinner, and just talked with the adults over a bonfire until about 11pm that night. It's here where the campaign trail really picked up some steam. Chris (one of the other adults) happens to be a High School history teacher and football coach. I told him about our politics, and how we were going to run under the Whig party, and he supported the campaign and claimed that he would "tell the football team to vote for you, because they do what I say" and that he would "begin teaching his kids about the Whig party" to prepare for our upcoming campaign. The votes are starting to accumulate - if CNN is already running metrics for 2024 they're going to have to come up with a new color on the maps in MO, TX, and CT as we're picking up percentage points all thanks to the Man From the Cave.

Multi-Sport at Mammoth

2009-03-12T12:51:00.000-07:00

I made a timely arrival at Mammoth Caves National Park. I had just enough time to set up my tent, have a snack (my essentials of 1 stick of summer sausage, 1 jar of peanuts, and1 gallon of milk were nearly exhausted at this time), and take cover from a ridiculous downpour. As I laid in my dry abode, I watched three guys from Michigan frantically lay down their tent and pick it up again just as the storm sneaked up on them. I thought about helping them, but decided to stay high and dry and make fun of them afterward.

Aside from the downpour weather for the first two days here was beautiful. They even flirted with record highs as the temperature climbed to 77 degrees on March 10th.

I took advantage of the fortunate weather by starting my first full day out with a bike ride. I even passed the Green River by ferry with my bicycle. As I was racing down the hill to the ferry I should have realized that a similar hill would be waiting for me to ascend on the other side of the river. Sure enough, there it was, and half way up the grade I had to pull over to do some dry-heaving as I learned how poor of physical shape I was in.

I managed to ascend 1,200+ feet over a quick 12-mile bike ride before I decided to throw in the towel on the biking and take out the kayak. Hopefully a few 100 miles of yakkin' and my pinky will be back to normal. The Green River didn't seem to be flowing all that quickly but I still chose to head up river first to have a nice casual return trip downriver. First, I headed down a little branch that inspection of a map would reveal that this was the River Styx which is also an entrance to the cave. Looking out from the entrance it does look like a true cave entrance, but sadly the entrance is beneath the water's surface. I looked and looked but I couldn't see a way in to Mammoth Caves from here.

I capped the night with a jog aruond the visitor center and campgrounds and then it was straight to bed.

I'm Starting to Smell........

2009-03-12T12:41:00.000-07:00

From Little Rock, I headed to Memphis, with a quick dip in to Mississippi to see if they had a humungous "Brett Favre was born here" sign at the state's entrance. Alas, they did not.

In Memphis a smell persisted - I still don't know if it was me, or my surroundings. Both are likely scenarios as my destination in Memphis was Graceland and it's peculiarly out of place. I forked out the money to tour Elvis' mansion but I steered clear of his military career tour, and his personalized planes tours. It was quite a bit better than I expected - I love Elvis' music and seeing his home, his outfits, all of his awards and gold albums, as well as paraphernalia from his Hollywood career, and, of course, his grave.

My stay in Memphis lasted only as long as the tour. I met a family from Whitelaw, WI (my parents mailing address) and then I climbed in my car and headed north to Mammoth Caves National Park.

Five Wal-Marts are Better than One

2009-03-12T11:41:00.001-07:00

Next I travelled South to Hot Springs, AR. I arrived in the evening, drove past Hot Springs National Park, had dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings and then headed out to find a nice, safe sleeping spot. This wasn't so easy, Wal-Marts abound, but they didn't feel as safe as they usually do. My first stop was littered, well, littered with litter and bums, my second Wal-Mart (both in Hot Springs) was nice, but I was kicked told overnight parkers weren't allowed here, so I crawled out of my trunk and headed back towards Little Rock. I found two more here, neither of them offered the safety and security of other RVs parked in their lot so I continued Northeast where I found a nice little Wal-Mart, RV and Big Rig parked next to each other......I pulled in between them, crawled in the back, and went soundly to sleep. This also marks the first stop where I realized I should be taking pictures of myself with my pinky up and my blindfold on.

Future Birthplace of Captain James T. Kirk

2009-03-12T11:16:00.000-07:00

As I've already written, I went to Riverside hoping to change the future but instead I chickened out, deciding that privacy was much more important than my childish notions.

My co-pilot and I drove across WI, and into Iowa doing everything I could to resist stopping at Dubuque, my favorite city in the whole, wide world. Once in Riverside, I quickly inquired at a gas station about a phone book and how many of the 992 people in Riverside were Kirks? The telephone book showed me that there were quite a few (my phone takes poor pictures). Although I didn't meet any Kirks, I did scour the town for signs of his coming. My quest uncovered this sign and the starship enterprise. I was kind of startled that their starship enterprise would use technology that looked almost modern to me - but who am I to say, I do not understand the future adn futuristic ways of travel. Finally, I wanted to stop for some world famous jerky, but the shop was closed so I headed South to Hannibal, MO where I spent the night at this Wal-Mart.

It is here where the Marquardt-Oswald, 2024 Presidential Campaign Trail started. Just as I was crawling in to my car, a carload of gallivanting old-timers pulled up to ask me what I was doing, and where I was going to stick my kayak. I told them my plan, and then they inquired about my safety.....the two old-men in the front seats couldn't have been any more excited as the driver showed off his pistol to me and advised that I get one of those for all the "crazies" that are out there these days. I replied by showing them my finger, and how I would undoubtedly shoot myself if I carried a handgun with me. Finally, they inquired about my campain posters, and all four agreed that they would vote for us - this is progress, but I'm not so sure they'll be around in 2024, if they are that's four votes in MO.

I haven't; been everywhere man.......

2009-03-07T15:55:00.000-08:00

So far, I picked up my bicycle at Curt's place, stopped at Track's for dinner, drove to Johnson Creek only to receive a call from my Mom that she found my bike shorts - so I immediately reversed direction and picked them up in Manitowoc. I started all over again Friday morning. I made it by Marty's work by noon, had lunch and then it was on to Riverside, Iowa, future birthplace of Captain James T. Kirk. I was set on changing the future, but I only went as far as getting a phone book looking up the Kirk's in the phone book, and then chickening out from going to interview them at least ask "if they would tell their future generations to tell James to not turn his back to whomever it was that shot him in the back?"

I am said to say that I didn't accomplish that little fete. I also have come to realize that my FM modulator works best if I tuck it in my belly folds which is giving me second thoughts about completing goal #1 which is to get myself in good shape. I don't really know what to do anymore. I probably should turn back around and head for Riverside, Iowa again.

As for right now, I'm in Hot Springs, Arkansas - Past birthplace of President Clinton. No way of changing that fact - but we already know I wouldn't do anything to change it if I could.

Travel Essentials........

2009-03-07T15:48:00.001-08:00

I've already hit the road and I feel like I'm prepared for just about everything. First I have my trusty car. Once upon a time Barb Cline asked "what is that you got there? Is that some sort of SUV?" Now, based on the size and overall utilitarian nature of the VW Golf it was an understandable error, and ever since that day I referred to it as an SUV. But now, I've realized that it's not so much an SUV, it's an RV. She carries all my gear, I sleep on the king-sized bed in the back at various wal-mart parking lots, all that it's really missing is a shower, bathroom, and kitchen, other than that it's a full-fledged "recreational vehicle." I also feel that today's economic situation is going to make sleeping in your car fashionable - so I'm simply on the leading edge of a shiny new trend.

In case she isn't as trusty as I think it is - I have my bikes on the back in case it breaks down, my kayak on the roof in case there's a flood, and a life jacket inside in case I drive it straight into the ocean. Finally, I knew I was ready to hit the road when I had acquired each and every Harry Potter book on CD. Sure, I've read them all, but I haven't had them all read to me yet.

Plan C: ENGAGE!!!

2009-03-05T17:04:00.000-08:00

My scorecard is looking a little something like this:

Plan A: Work for Doctor's without Borders = Fail
Plan B: Travel around South America = Mugged

So, now it's time for plan C = drive around the USA - perhaps, just do laps around Iowa as it will probably be the safest there.

Yesterday marked my 12th week of rehab - which is the date that the doctor said my life could return to a free for all - even so, if he has problems with it, he has to talk to God since he/she's the caretaker of my finger now.

All I needed to do before I left was to start with a clean face. I shaved off my 2 months worth of "I ruptured my finger tendons depression" beard and away I went.

Anyway, if you want to see how many circles I can make around Iowa in a few months, you can follow me here.

It has been exactly 12 weeks.......................

2009-03-04T13:13:00.001-08:00

since my last surgery. As soon as I get a delivery of cable locks I'll be back out there on the road again.

Start placing your bets for when I will be mugged, robbed, raped, and killed. I'm sure something is going to happen - all I know is that my fingers will be prepared for it - I'll be wearing chain mail gloves - let's see a little hoodlum get through those sweet babies.

Here a Bock, there a Bock - New Ulm, MN

2009-03-04T13:05:00.000-08:00

We decided to surprise a friend in MN by five us showing up at his place, completely unexpected and after midnight on a Friday night. We were visiting, primarily to go to Bockfest, not to catch up with our friend that we haven't seen in a few months.

To prove it, a few of us, took him, and threw him over a fence. The other side of this fence was a fairly steep snow bank, resulting in a 30 foot tumble down the hill. Only minor injuries were incurred, bloody gums, sore teeth, skinned knee, you know, the usual ailments.

Anyway, that's not the important part, what's important is the fact that I found one of the seven hidden Bocks. Check it out, here's the list of the Bock-Finders. I found February and it even came with a little hardware.

Even God doesn't like the IL tollways

2009-03-04T12:48:00.000-08:00

In February I went to Chicago to visit a friend and to hopefully play (or call) a few BINGO games with some old-timers.

I volunteered through Chicago Cares to play a little BINGO and make a Newsletter with some Old-Timers in the Lincoln Park area. I am a bit of an BINGO aficionado and when I was working I called myself a "professional e-mailer and photo-shopper" so, I probably couldn't have found two better volunteer opportunities than these.

Sadly, these events weren't in the cards. The BINGO volunteer list was full, and the Newsletter making was canceled. Just to keep everything even, when I got the call that they wouldn't be making a newsletter, I received another call, that there was a cancellation for BINGO night, but I had already made plans for returning home.

So, I went through the IL tolls, and paid each time (learning my lesson from numerous tollway fines) only to return home and find that my license plate was cleverly disguised under a sheet of ice. Thank you God, I didn't know I could have gotten away with it, otherwise I would have. I like that God.

In other God related news. A friend of mine has taken up prayer for lent. I've never been a man of faith, but I didn't think that there would be any harm in going for a free ride. I politely asked that he pray for my finger each night with his usual prayers. There's no question that my finger is in better hands with God than with my own. I'll keep everyone updated on the progress.

Me and My Pinky

2009-02-03T15:22:00.000-08:00

I'm beginning to think that my little pinky is starting to have a better story than the life of the rest of me. To recap:

I was mugged by two Colombians, one of which had a knife, like this, not this, this, or this.

I started a scrum, which resulted with some dirty pants and a cut pinky (almost two weeks after the cutting - I tucked the meat in, and wrapped it in an antibiotic cocktail until the doc could take a look at the little guy). These yahoos must have had something against pinkies as they got my other little guy as well, and that cut went all the way through the skin to the nail, and I still have a cut nail working it's way to the nail deadzone, for now I like that little interior crack. I still consider myself lucky because I probably could have ended up like this guy.

The doctor had his look, and he connected some tendons, which put me in to a new sorry state of affairs with this big club on my arm.

Next up, was two weeks in this guy (decorated by Madison Trainor). The doctor was utterly amazed that I didn't rupture my tendons while wearing this one so I got an upgrade, complete with patient selected straps.

Even the splint upgrade couldn't keep me from rupturing my tendon(s) though. I spent one day in three weeks off of the couch and I popped a tendon. BUT, I still have a shiny new finger, and with the help of my finger buddy, it bends with a little help from its friend.

So, my pinky has been through a lot in the last two months, now the question is what's next. I don't think he's quite ready to grip a kayak paddle, or dribble a basketball, but I think he might be up to the task of using the stick shift in my car........................

I'm Back and Fancy as Ever

2009-01-28T11:15:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile.....a long, boring while, but now I'm back, after nearly two months of movie watching and pinky pampering.

First off, I would like to write a little disclaimer about the human small finger. Although petite, cute, and useful beyond the common pinky swearing and gestures of fancifulness, the small finger can cause problems much bigger than its physical size.

Case in point; two months ago when two Colombians got the better of me and my pinky in particular I assumed that fixing the little guy that was locked in the upright position thanks to a slash to the bone across the meaty part of the little guy right above the palm would be a simple fete of modern medicine. It probably is, but in fact, to me it most definitely is not. One surgery, several dozen rehab sessions later, and one fateful day when I chose to leave my parents couch, with the comforts of public library movies and all the snacks I can handle, to go out and play down by the Menomonee River in Wauwatosa with my family.

As the therapists advice echoed in my head "don't even think about using this arm until we tell you to" I decided to break some ice with sticks, throw sticks in the river only to watch them float a few feet before they became entangled in another pile of rubbish, and I did what everyone does when they see a smooth, slippery sheet of ice, you run as fast as you can and you slide on it. My niece and nephew were right there behind me. Again in my head "you can't run.....you'll rupture a tendon........rupture.............rupture...........rupture!"

We returned to my brothers house where I was in desperate need of warming my hand as the bulky splint that I was fitted for wouldn't allow a jacket or glove to cover it, so I just braved the cold while away from the warmth felt while wrapped in a quilt lying on my parents' couch. Nothing felt out of the ordinary, other than the tingling sensation felt throughout my hand, which I assumed, and am still confident was solely due to the cold and not to any sort of rupturing of the tendons in my small finger.......but when I started in on my finger exercises, something was different. In the past I had wiggled the tip of the little guy to show off to friends, and to confirm to myself that it was $10,000 well spent, but this time, there wasn't a wiggle to be seen. Nothing, no movement, no feeling..........well, that was the cold again, but I was freaked out.

The following day I went to rehab and the only words I heard from the entire session were "yup, that looks like a rupture." I had been stuck in a state of depression for weeks, and these were not the words I wanted to hear, nor could I handle them, with nothing but idle time and a right arm that was rendered useless thanks to a single cut across my small finger, how could I not think about the sorry state of affairs I was in.

Throughout my life, one of my greatest traits as a human is my appreciation of how fortunate I really am. I have always felt that this is a genuine characteristic that I possess but I hadn't realized how flawed my thinking had been, because nothing that I would qualify as "bad" has never happened to me before. Sure, I've experienced the ins and outs of life that almost every 28 year old goes through, but I hadn't experienced a life-altering event, and nor is this one. It's simply an appendage. A loved one has not passed away unexpectedly, a friend was not diagnosed with an incurable disease........again, it's just my small finger, and I've been treated with nothing but hospitality. My parents have taken me in in my state of uselessness and offered me everything that I need, and all sorts of things that I don't need. Great dinners every night, and still 95% of my day is spent thinking why did this have to happen to my finger. It's true, I'm quite selfish. But seriously for the price I paid, I could have at least gotten some sort of pinky accessories, maybe some studs in it, racing stripes.......maybe I'll take a bedazzler to it, just so it looks like the $10,000 pinky that it is today.........now that's fancy!

This is way too much ramble - long story, disallowed to become even longer:

2 rehab ladies said I have one good tendon - each referring to the other tendon
3 rehab ladies said I have zero functioning pinky tendons
1 doctor got excited that I gave my pinky a little wiggle while he was dictating that I had ruptured both tendons and would require a second surgery and 6 MONTHS of rehab to repair the ruptured tendons.

1 Mike has decided to keep the finger as is, in case I think I want him working later in life (I was on the wagon for the amputation for quite some time, but then I heard testimonials of 4 fingered people giving others the willies - I do not want to be roaming around giving people the willies).

So, I'm working on strengthening my wrist and hand and hope to be able to grip a mug, and curl it to my mouth in time for BOCK FEST on February 21st in Minnesota!!

I'm Back in the US of A

2008-12-06T11:28:00.000-08:00

It seems as though I've had a trend of selecting song related titles, so I may as well stick with it.

I'm a little short on time, so this is going to be very quick. I got back yesterday, went to the emergency room, nearly fell asleep on the doctor's table as I hadn't slept in over 50 hours, dickered with some insurance people, learned my tendon is cut, have to go back to the hospital for surgery on Monday or Tuesday, decided I would go to DC to see Barack, thinking about regrouping and heading back down to South America, had explosive diarrhea from my first meal back in the USA (chicken and shrimp fajita and chilis) after having no problems in Colombia, checked out Duke's sweet, new pad, went to my niece's basketball game, and now as I am typing on another library computer I am trying to determine what laptop I should get to replace my stolen little buddy that came along with me to Bogota.

In the next few days I will be filming a dramatization of the Colombian mugging, calling my credit card companies to make sure nothing bad happened after they fell in to the wrong hands, getting a new passport, looking at cell phones (or maybe this is a good chance to go back to the old stylings of only having a landline??), and I should probably post some pics of my finger, bloody pants....I guess that's all I can post, good thing I got that one pic of me drinking Colombian coffee up on the interwebs before the Colombian kids struck.

Things are looking as my little digit points...UP!!

2008-12-02T11:45:00.001-08:00

It was a rough couple of days - first the mugging, then the bleeding, then the not being able to use the little finger, then the uselessness due to no money, no passport.......but things have slowly come together - and I apparently have started to type like Arnold Scharznegger talks? What´s up with that.

So, we left off with my SOS - since then I have read 4 books, had two pleasant trips to the US Embassy, attempted every possible way of getting money to Colombia. If you´re interested, Western Union said they wouldn´t wire money to Colombia, we tried sending some to Mario, the boss here at el Cafecito, since I didn´t really exist anymore without any form of ID, and they said no........then I suggested, money order, they said no, then my parents were going to mail a credit card on down as quickly as possible. We decided against that, when my Mom and Karen learned that you could wire money directly to the Embassy through the state department, but you had to fit the following criterion:

destitute - sounds like me
in need of money - absolutely
without ID - yup, I´ve got that too
and an America - well, that´s what my passport said

We´re in business - I got a bit of money, I got an emergency passport, and now all that is left is to pay my bill here, drop a bit of money in a Colombian Bank Account because I am leaving with a different passport number than I came with (sounds fishy? I know, but what can I do, I can´t leave without some sort of certificate), which brings me to going to the DAS to get an exit certificate, then finally book a flight back home, and away I go.

So, things were pretty rough, it´s not too fun feeling helpless, not being able to call anyone, not being able to buy anything, barely speaking the local language, and constantly relying on the employees here........I am very lucky to have parents that have been calling non-stop, which the employees get a kick out of - and the el Cafecito, they have borrowed me money, made me meals, given me shelter, and somehow the bill is still under $100, go figure that one out - all I know is they are getting a big tip......because without them I probably would have went this route that I was joking about earlier, but it most definitely could have been a reality. I was also joking around about how Colombians´love their plastic surgery, and you can tell what sort of surgery I went for, I´ve always been a little light up top.

Time to leave the computer - someone just thought I worked here, and although she was impressed with my English, she never tested out my Spanish to see the real me.

cancel the SOS

2008-11-27T10:07:00.000-08:00

I was also realizing that my previous post may have looked like this is a hostage situation that my parents would have to call me at a certain telephone number. Nope, I´m just sitting here with a pinky that doesn´t work anymore, no money, and no passport.

my parents are barb and tom if you don´t know them

2008-11-27T08:55:00.000-08:00

I´m Sending Out an SOS

2008-11-27T08:51:00.001-08:00

howdy everybody

i have a favor to ask - first i was mugged this morning - two little twerps, one with a knife, my pinky doesn´t work anymore - my gps device is on them but it isn´t working. SON OF A!!

i never thought i would have anything bad to say about thanksgiving, but it´s hampering my getting to the US Embassy to figure out what to do about getting home for the time being.

So, if you could be a good friend and give my parents a call at 9206843769 i would greatly appreciate it. i´m need of some money and a way to get home - i might come home, get my finger stitched up, and i´m guessing i have some ligament damage because the poor little guy doesn´t move - you should have seen me trying to write down at the police station. it was a pretty pathetic display of my americaness.

anyway - if you get a hold of them please ask them to call me at 05712858308 - it would be greatly appreciated - have some turkey for me.

mike

Rain, Rain, Go Away

2008-11-26T16:33:00.000-08:00

I was ready to go out and see what was shaking, but sadly it was stil raining. So, I stayed in at the Hostel, and this place is pretty awesome. I watched two of the employees work on making the perfect sign on their, in restaurant, chalkboard for at least an hour. I must say, it looks very nice, and I also learned that it was "happy hour" so now I'm having a drink. I figured you can't go wrong with an Amaretto Sunrise, but at first it wasn't so tasty, it actually was a bit strong. When all the workers, and individuals at the bar were looking back at me awaiting my reaction, I thought maybe something was up, and maybe something was, but as the ice melted, it got tastier.

I've learned that much like our Trivia Opponents last Thursday I am starting to speak in questions. The other Trivia Team simply responded "Henry" to "What was Indiana Jone's first name?" As I sit here thinking about what I am going to do in the next few weeks, I'm thinking things like "should I go north?" "or should I go south?" "Should I take a bus?" "or should I take a plane?" "To Venezuela? "or maybe Ecuador?" Then I settled these questions once and for all, when I realized that I have barely seen anything in Bogota. What I have seen thus far, El Cafecito, the Gold Museum, the Plaza, and all the people, I'm liking very much. I really thought that this was going to be a very big challenge not being able to speak Spanish........the language barrier poses a problem, but no one seems to be offended by my lack of comprehension. I'm going to go crawl in to bed and study my Spanish until I fall asleep.

Rain, Para Agua's, and Bogota Go Together...

2008-11-26T11:14:00.000-08:00

Even though I arrived in Bogota at the very tail end of the rainy season it seems as though I'm going to have a pretty good chance of seeing rain every day. Of course, I am basing this off of a mere 26 hours in Bogota (12 of which I spent sleeping), so by no means am I an authority on the weather local weather. As for today, it rained, but I wasn't about to stay cooped up inside. I ventured out to the Museo del Oro and to the Plaza de Simon Bolivar. If you like large squares with loads of pigeons, this Plaza is perfect place for you, and if you're into shiny gold (I'm a fan of shiny things in general) the Museo del Oro would be your place to stop at. I got quite wet while walking in the rain, and I definitely didn't have to. When the rain comes down hundreds of street vendors flood the streets selling para-aguas. It's kind of awesome, I couldn't count how many were looking to dump an umbrella on me, and I must admit I was very close to picking up a pretty sweet looking batman umbrella (I probably will if I get caught in the same predicament tomorrow), but I was already wet and the umbrella wasn't going to dry me out. As a matter of fact being a little wet behind the ear was the story of my day. My day started with a shower, but no towel, then a walk in the rain to the museum, and a walk back to my hostel in the rain, with a stop at the supermarket in between. I still haven't rectified that towell predicament. This morning I rearranged my stuff thinking I should mail a few things home, start doling out gifts, or just give a few t-shirts and shorts away, so I'm not about to add another item to my pack.

When in Doubt, say "Sí!"

2008-11-25T13:14:00.001-08:00

This is probably going to be my new motto. I've found that whenever I don't understand someone, I just say "Sí!" Secretly, I'm hoping that every bit of communication that doesn't make the leap over the language barrier is a challenge to a game of Tejo, but sadly, I've sputtered three innocent little "Sí's!" and so far all it's gotten me is a breath mint, a taxi cab tour of the city, and a free pass from the customs line at the airport. Who knows what will be next though. Tomorrow, I'm eyeing up tour of a Gold Museum, a Police Museum, and possibly a rip out to the Salt Cathedral. I don't know, not sure if there will be time.

Coffee's After Effects

2008-11-25T13:10:00.001-08:00

I'm going to go ahead and guess that this is all in my head, but after a cup of joe with lunch I find myself sitting here playing on the internets again, and, worse yet, I have every intention of studying my Spanish immediately after I stop typing. I hope this isn't going to be like the time I had a bunch of Jager Bombs or maybe they were Sugar Meisters and Ben had to let me out of the apartment to run around the block because I was causing a ruccous. I don't want to start a ruccous south of the equator. That wouldn't be proper.

Challenge 1 of 21 - Have a Fresh Cup of Colombian Coffee - CHECK

2008-11-25T13:00:00.000-08:00

It wasn't s surprise that drinking a cup of Colombian Coffee in Colombia would be quite the simple task. My Great Colombian Coffee Hunt ended at my hostel. My coffee request was a surprise to the front desk girl. She accurately took me as a juice guy, but I turned the tables on her and requested her freshest cup of Joe. This coffee was straight from the hills of Colombia, but I cannot tell a lie, I will not be acquiring the a taste for coffee any time soon. Even a few liberal spoonfuls of sugar didn't make the drink more enjoyable. However, I did finish every last drop, along with all of my curry chicken, soup, salad, and a delightful little strawberry dessert. One down, twenty to go. I still have some serious notions of growing out a mustache, heading to a coffee plantation and getting a new coffee pic for the challenge. We'll see what happens there. Even though this was a very simple challenge, it should be noted that this was the very first time that I've had coffee, so it's a little bit bigger deal than it seems.

Here Goes Nothing.......

2008-11-25T10:00:00.000-08:00

So, I was thinking that the hotel/area that I stayed at last night in Miami would be the creepiest of the bunch. I have a sneaking suspicion that will not be the case. My first hostel (el Cafecito) is very nice, but just from the drive around Bogota there's a lot of potential to get myself in to some places that will give me the willies!

Let's give a quick update. My parents took me to the airport, we said our "goodbyes" and "love yous" and then it was on a plane, to Charlotte (Charlotte, by the way, looks pretty awesome from above), quickly to Miami for some airport confusion and a little bit of iHop (where I scored a free shake from the waitress), watched the Packers get crushed, two hours of sleep, back to the airport (the shuttle driver was getting pretty agitated with me, so I gave him a decent tip as he made two separate trips just for me), and then voila, I'm in Bogota. My first crack at breaking down the language barrier was relatively unsuccessful. My taxi driver and I discussed church, roads, arrivals and departures, and mountains. That sounds like a lot right now, but we were in that taxi for quite a while as he wasn't 100% sure where this hostel was - and obviously, I had no clue. I nice Colombian girl did help me get through customs, but all conversing there was done in English.

So, this is the debacle I find myself in - do I

a) eat because my belly tells me to
b) study Spanish because my mind tells me to

or

c) go to bed because my body tells me to

I'd like to conjure up a lunch in bed, with bedside Spanish conversation. That would be alright. Or maybe I'll just go outside and see what's happening. I really should secure my luggage - I am seriously thinking about mailing things back home - for one, I couldn't feel my arms yesterday after walking around with my backpack on my back for just an hour, and my shoulders were all bloodshot from the pressure, and two it's not a question of "if" I get things stolen from me, it's a question of "when." Like I said, here goes nothing......time to see what Bogota is about.....I'm going with option 'd' - go outside. It may or may not include eating and a cup of coffee to cross of Brown Deer HS Challenge #1. I need to find the right place though, and I'd like ot have a mustache for the occasion.

My Last Packers Game

2008-11-25T09:59:00.000-08:00

Boy did that suck. I caught the second half, not much to see there. Hopefully things get better when I’m not watching.

Bienvenidos a Miami

2008-11-25T09:58:00.000-08:00

My one night, or maybe I should say two hour stay in Miami gave me a little dose of what I assume it is going to feel like to be in Colombia. First, I had no idea what I was doing at the Miami Airport. Once I decided that my game plan would be to get something to eat, and to spend the night at a hotel – I found out that everyone spoke Spanish, except me. I know I’ve been working on my Spanish, but it’s not good. This morning when the hotel shuttle driver dropped me off – he seemed awfully amazed that I was going to Colombia without being able to communicate well………at least that’s what I think he was saying to me. I couldn’t decipher anything he said other than when he told me what time it was. I nailed that part though. If the shuttle ride got my nerves going a bit, sitting at the airport soothed them right back down. While waiting at the terminal I started talking with two guys, one a Colombian headed back to see family, and the other an American who has since moved to Ecuador, and was headed back home to his wife. The little Colombian man spoke with such excitement about going in to the Amazon, I seriously want to grab a machete the second I get off this plane and start working my way through the jungle. He even touched upon my two biggest Amazonian fears; anacondas and parasites that like to get in your orifices.

Choose Your Own Charity

2008-11-25T09:57:00.000-08:00

Since I’m essentially choosing my own adventure (with a bit of help from Rob’s AP class) I thought it would be nice quit being so selfish and let the readers chime in. I have a couple of charitable organizations that I like to donate to, but I can’t say that I’m too knowledgeable in world-wide charitable/humanitarian organizations. Plus, I haven’t a real defining moment or the cultural awareness to say “man, fill in the charity here is really doing amazing things, I’d really like to help them out.” If you have a charity that really hits home, or you know of an organization that you think my personality and abilities would be well suited, please take a moment to let me know about them. I’d love to see if there’s something I can do. If you’d like to browse a fairly extensive list of South American volunteer opportunities go ahead and click here.

Late Breaking Gear Additions and Subtractions

2008-11-25T09:56:00.000-08:00

In the heat of the moment I decided to leave my tent, sleeping bag, and therma-rest behind. In place of it I added the Family Guy Freakin’ Party Pack. Clearly, I made the right description. Who would want to sit in a tent in the middle of the Amazon without Peter Griffin? Not I, my friends, not I. I was pleasantly surprised to see my luggage weigh in at 56 pounds. Not bad considering I’ve got everything from a big ‘ol container of laundry detergent to a pile of power bars. In jest I had commented that I thought I was going to go down to South America with nothing but a backpack full of soccer balls and hometown trinkets to give away and now that I think about it I think I may have done exactly that – one thing I am sure of is that I have a small pouch of undies and socks clipped to the outside of my pack. I hope the TSA’s don’t swipe my unmentionables.

My Rescue Plan

2008-11-20T11:29:00.000-08:00

Since I've been planning my trip I've heard all sorts of stories; tour guides getting swallowed alive by anacondas, the FARC kidnapping American tourists, doctors harvesting vital organs of drunken, passed-out backpackers, and all the mention of parasites, piranhas, etc.

Now, I wouldn't rule out all of these things, and I'm sure similar events have happened and will happen again, but let's get serious here, bad things can happen anywhere. There was just that Avery debacle in Mishicot for crying out loud. That's not cool, but would I go to a junkyard if I needed something? Absolutely! Maybe, I'd bring a friend along though.

So, even though I'm convinced that a sensible, respectful, happy traveler has a very high likelihood of coming home safe and sound, I'm still going to prepare for the worst.

I didn't get that Spot Messenger simply so my family and friends can follow me across the continent. It comes complete with a 911 feature and $300,000 of rescue helicopter insurance should I find myself in a bit of a predicament. In the unlikely scenario where I become someone's hostage and am put in to some very uncomfortable situations I've had two brave friends volunteer to be part of the rescue team that gets flown in to my aid: Marty (picture 1, picture 2, picture 3) and the Duke. Very few people know that even though Sylvester Stallone wrote Rambo, he wrote it with the Duke in mind. When the Duke turned down Sly's offer because he wouldn't be allowed to wear his Mack Trucks cut-off t-shirt, Sly decided that he would have to do it himself. Both members of this elite strike force know what they could be up against (yes, young, little girls is what they are up against, but notice that they are heavily armed) and they have been doing everything they can do to prepare for event that they must deploy to South America.

Marty is a close friend, interim President of ACNB, Future President of the United States of America, and avid hunter whose adept gun-work and tracking skills learned while hunting in Wisconsin's Northwoods will prove useful should his next mission take him to South America.

Duke is the best, a taco dip artist, and will draw from his vast knowledge of James Bond films to rescue me from the depths of the Amazon.

Together they form a FARC fighting, para-military pounding, guerrilla grinding tandem the likes of which South America has never seen (or hopes to see for that matter).

There's no better peace of mind than knowing that these two individuals will do whatever it takes to make sure you come back alive and well.

South American Visits

2008-11-20T10:56:00.000-08:00

Now if you've ever had any urge to go to South America - this is a perfect time. If you wait long enough I'll hopefully be able to speak with the locals, I should have a pretty good idea of the area and I've always felt that I'm a pretty good chaefeur, so don't be shy come on down.

Don't forget about your vaccinations: This is my shout out to my friends at Passport Health in Mequon that gave me a handful of Crazy Pills, and a couple hundred dollars worth of shots. However, the price tag did include the assurance that I will come back at least as healthy as I was when I left.

AND if you're feeling that a trip to Brazil is in your future you better let me know now, and start working on getting a VISA per their travel requirements.

Like I said though, Anyone can come - and I'll welcome you all with open arms (brazos abiertos - I've been pounding through my Spanish flash cards lately).

Postcards

2008-11-20T10:49:00.000-08:00

If anyone out there would like a postcard from various locations around South America please post your name and address. I didn't bring a single address along with me (other than the few that are committed to memory) so close friends and family alike will have to follow this process.

Even though I'll be doing a considerable amount of writing: blog, journals, travel articles, and misc. writing, as I go I've always enjoyed writing postcards and letters so don't feel like you're imposing.

BUT - at the same time I do not want to spend all of my money on postage and stamps so if you would like postcards from every place I go, or I don't really know you please paypal me a $$ or two to michael.joseph.oswald@gmail.com.

In actuality this is just a scam where you give me money, I give you nothing in return, and I expect each of you to get at least five more people to give me money. AND THEN each of them must get at least five more people to give me money, and so on! Thank you!

Where In The World Is Mike Oswald?

2008-11-20T10:16:00.001-08:00

If you're diligently reading my posts you probably noticed that I'm bringing along a GPS tracking device. This device will be turned on for most of my travels allowing anyone with an internet connection to see where I'm at and where I've been (in five minute intervals). If my last 90 days' whereabouts are of interest to you, click on this link and follow these instructions - if you're not an instructions person, fiddle around this website for a while by using this login ID and password (but please don't change my help and ok messages, and contacts list - thanks):

In an effort to keep my identity to myself I have removed my login and password. So, if you were one of the lucky few that scribbled it down - hooray for you - you can fiddle with my account. Fiddle while the fiddlin' is good.

Now to get around this little security breach let's give this link a try if you want to find out where I am.

My Goals

2008-11-19T12:32:00.000-08:00

Now I started this whole blog off as if I hadn't been planning this adventure. Well, that's true and false. I was planning on doing something like this, I just wasn't sure what I would be doing, where I would be going, what my goals would be, and I definitely wasn't planning on leaving in 2008.

But now, just a few days before I leave for Bogotá, Colombia I'll disclose my goals as well as the goals assigned to me by a High School class.

First the High Schoolers' List, and I must say I'm pretty darn excited about playing with iguanas, penguins, and alpacas but not so much about the parasites, guinea pigs, and barrel rides, but you better believe I'm going to take these challenges seriously.

Next, my list. Obviously, I'm not going to cross off most of these anytime soon, but there are a few of them that I will be crossing off before I return. Most likely I'll be adding a thing or two to this list as the days go by.

My Gear

2008-11-19T11:45:00.000-08:00

I've laid out everything I could possibly think of bringing: backpack, camelback, helmet, electronics and cords, a pair of cameras w/ spare batteries, a pair of tripods, a pile of books on SA and thousands of Spanish vocabularly flash cards, a handwritten journal of Spanish grammar, my crazy pills (for malaria, but I guess they'll give me nightmares), duct tape (thanks Debbie), bike helmet, a geobug, cards, water bottle, map of SA, hat and mits, learn spanish in your car CDs, my laptop w/ spare battery, a few movies, socks, shoes (can't forget the moccasins), sleeping bag, tent, sleeping bag liner, compression sack, passport, proof of immunization, one can of hormel chili, scuba license, sunscreen, sleeping aids, nourishment, thermarest, lock, whistle (thanks 4th grade basketball team), money strap (thanks Uncle Ken and Aunt Barb), first aid packs, matches, headlamp, deodorant, toothbrush and toothpaste, fantasy football plaque, blank journals, a pile of Manitowoc clothing, and last but not least my GPS rescue device complete with helicopter rescue insurance.

I don't know about you, but I think I'm going to have to kick some stuff out of my bag (I'm looking at you deodorant), because I just bought a Manitowoc Company soccer ball (and I'm thinking about going back for another one), tape measure, pens, shot glasses, and key chains to give to the South Americans. I have to represent the hometown.

My Schedule

2008-11-19T11:36:00.000-08:00

I reckon I'll be changing my itinerary as I go and I may or may not update it on here, but as of right now I'm just thinking one month per country should be adequate.

Dates Country
11/25 - 12/14 Colombia
12/15 - 1/15 Ecuador w/ BikeHike's Andes to the Amazon from the 20th to the 29th
1/16 - 2/15 Peru
2/16 - 3/15 Bolivia
3/16 - 4/15 Chile
4/16 - 5/15 Argentina (may go twice to enjoy Patagonia in the summer-time)
5/16 - 6/15 Brazil (may not go at all as a Visa is required)
6/16 - 7/15 Venezuela
7/16 - 8/6 Back to Colombia to fly home for ACNB7

the following four months...........

2008-11-18T13:57:00.000-08:00

In between now and the 16th of July I've done a few things: I listened to the Brewers go to the playoffs, completed our 6th ACNB, I took (and gave) a lot of scooter rides, won a costume contest with Ben, did the Muddy Buddy, applied to have my schizophrenia cured, unapplied to have my schizophrenia cured after reading that one of the side effects was death, I saved a lot of money on my car insurance by going to Geico, played Pitlickers, scooted through Harley Fest, met THE Bill Jackson and then saw him scissor kick Angela Lansbury, had my first White Castle Burger, started my own Spirit Squad, took 1st place in my age group (I magically was in the 0-8 year old age group racing against babies) in the Cheese Days Chase 10K, made bachelor party t-shirts for a close friend, went to that friend's wedding looking sexy, started a campaign to be Vice President of the USA in 2024 (put up a yard sign, why dontcha), completed my second gift from "Mike's Cumulative Present Program (MCPP)," got poison oak, made my parents a picture book of the gift they received, and I topped it all off by getting in a car accident (much to Geico's dismay).

Huh - I kind of figured I've just been sittin' around for the past four months.

AND NOW......I'm finally ready to depart. My itinerary is outlined, my gear is packed, my goals are set, my rescue plan is prepared, let's get this guy to Colombia already.

I'm Coming to America!!

2008-11-18T11:54:00.001-08:00

South America, that is!!

I don't believe my immigration will be quite like Eddie Murphy's. For starters, I'm not an African Prince........at least not that I know of. So far, I've just been a regular kid living an ordinary life. I doubt that Arsenio Hall will be with me every step of the way through all the good times and the bad, and it's pretty unlikely that I wind up working at a fast-food joint only to fall in love with the owner's daughter.......I wouldn't rule out these scenarios completely, anything can happen, but it's about as likely as me getting kidnapped while meandering through the Colombian jungles..........wait a minute, maybe I should like my chances??

There's probably no better date to start my immigration story than that of July 16, 2008 (check out the event in 2008, if it's not there please help make this event relevant by editing the wikipedia post). The 16th of July is a date that has already had a drastic effect on my life, my way of living, my actions, and there's no question that it will continue to shape my life for the unforeseeable future.

This date was riddled with lost sleep, flared tempers, and cracked jokes, but the most important event of this glorious day was a liberation of sorts. It wasn't a liberation by definition, each of us has always had this liberty and this freedom, but so many of us forget about it, and sweep it under the rug along with their dreams and ambitions. Routine grabs a hold of us, you get comfortable and we are rocked to bed at night while listening to the lullaby that whispers of employee health care, matching 401(k), and paid vacation. In fact I was already staring at the calendar with my eyes focused on January 1, 2009 when I would receive another week of vacation. I had to get out of this trance I was in, I needed help, I've always been someone who dreams big with a wild imagination. Who would help me chase my dreams. Enter.....we'll call this person "the Terminator: a tiny woman from corporate, saddled with a bit of a Napolean Complex and a hatred of me the likes of which I have never experienced nor can I begin to describe as there isn't a bit of me that would be this petty and evil.

And so the day goes:

When the clock struck midnight I was standing amidst thousands of vulgar New York Yankee's fans inside Yankee Stadium (in its last year of existence), my fingers crossed, wishing, hoping, pleading that the game would end so I could hop on the Subway and catch an hour or two of sleep before I had to race to the airport. A Yankees fan chanted "20 INNINGS.....20 INNINGS." This man, along with many others nearby, was aware of my situation, and he expressed his sympathy, but conjuring the possibilities of a 21st inning stretch he concluded that it would be "pretty sweet!" and continued to bellow his chant.

My wishes must have fallen on deaf ears. In the bottom of the 15th inning Justin Morneau slid across home plate winning the game for the AL just as the clock read 1:38 am (my pictures of 1:39 were blurry, or you can call me on it and say I didn't stay for the whole thing). The game would stand as the longest game in All-Star history. As intriguing as the Yankee fans' hatred for the Red Sox, passion for their Yankees, and complete indifference for the Brewers was - I ran to the Subway stop before hearing the Boston Red Sox's JD Drew receive the MVP award as boos poured down on him.

As for me, I got back to my hotel, took a shower, and as I threw my towel to the ground, ready to crawl in to bed, my phone rang.......the airport shuttle was at the front door.

En route to Milwaukee I started talking to the man seated next to me. He only travels to LA and NYC and upon landing in Milwaukee, he looked at the skyline and said "yes, this does look like a nice little village," in what I am sure was response to my solid hour of boasting about the wonders of Wisconsin.

Found my luggage, found my car, now it's time to head in to work. I wasn't thrilled, I already knew my boss was looking for me for the past two days, and I had ignored his e-mail. I was a bit busy during my stay. If I wasn't on the phone discussing actual work, I was enjoying the Late Show with David Letterman (I totally bamboozled a Late Show girl in to getting tickets for me), taking in the All-Star game festivities, or interviewing for a new job with Doctors without Borders, so I figured it would be best to talk with him when I returned to the office in a calm, quiet environment.

Boy was I wrong. It took a few hours to catch up with my work. Before I knew it lunch time had arrived, so I decided there wasn't a better time to make the phone call then now. I've always been one to admit error and this was another one. Apparently, I was a bit irritable, and I knew I was wrong for going to New York, working remotely, and not telling my boss about it. There was no way around that, and I had to face my mistakes. He wasn't happy, and his boss, the Terminator, took it even worse. Within two hours of hanging up the phone, the Terminator was in our office. She gave a short statement discussing me "insubordination, truancy, and constant disrespect towards management" and how my employment was being terminated for these reasons..........and I could have sworn the Terminator choked up for a second there, perhaps there is a conscience in there??

As for me, I must not be too clear of the definition of "truancy." Maybe when they run the corporate definition by me, I'll agree with them on that one. But, I’ve never missed a day of work, and I’ve never used a sick day in my 4 years and two weeks of work. To me, that does not seem like the career of a truant?

On the insubordination. I had never really been told to do anything, and the four bosses (and two interim bosses) that I had never really knew what I had to do, so how were there ever rules or orders to follow? I don't know.

The lack of respect to management, that one I can swallow. I will say this though, I never swore, or raised my voice, I simply never treated them like they were better than myself and my peers. I treated management like I treated everyone else. I voiced my opinions, and questioned their decisions. Disrespectful? I suppose so.

Don't get me wrong - I wasn't a good worker. I was immature, unprofessional, and I called myself a professional e-mailer/photoshopper. Within my first year of work I was somewhat amazed by all the greed, selfishness, and overall laziness, and I decided that I was going to attempt to invoke thought in the office. Well, my innocent questions which I supported with researched facts didn't break any ground, so later I decided to provoke thought. Never was there a cruel intention, but I did go about things in a rather blunt and brazen way.

All these thoughts raced through my head.........I slowly realized silence had fallen upon the small office and all was left was a smile on my face and the hole that my Area Manager was burning through the Terminator with his icy glare, so I stood up, smiled, shook her hand, and said "I'm really glad that this company has individuals like yourself that don't make business decisions based entirely off of personal opinions." I walked out the door back to my cubicle, pulled off my western style cubicle doors, packed up my things, and away I went on my trusty steed, free as a bird, back home to catch up on some sleep I so desperately needed. The last hours of July 16, 2008 saw me sound asleep in bed, dreaming of where tomorrow would take me, where my home would be...........